The Kenyan Girl -- Peres Owino

Blockbusterabation

2011-12-31T14:40:00.000-08:00

You get the thinly veiled double entendre? If not, let me paint you a picture....

Batman 1-4 REBOOT!!!! Dark Knight 1-3 [A Bat mobile by any other name..]
Captain America 1-2
GI Joe 1-2
Hulk 1 REBOOT!!!! Hulk 1 [Did someone stutter?...]
Iron Man 1-3
Karate Kid 1-3 REBOOOT!!!! Karate Kid [the black version, single mom included...]
Madagascar 1-3
Paranormal Activity 1-3
Saw 1-7
Shrek 1-4
Superman 1-4. REBOOT!!! Superman 1-2 [Yawn]
Toy Story 1-3
Transformers 1-4
Thor 1-2: [Guilty Pleasure. LOVED THIS ADAPTATION. The only grown ass man you could believe wears a cape, is the one who speaks a dead version of the English language, or another language all together. Why do you think we loved the Elves in LOTR? The Elven language made you buy the pointy ears..]

Ladies and gentlemen, this is blockbusterbation...the only ones really enjoying themselves are the studios cashing in and the voyeurs who insist on watching!

Now let’s jump the pond shall we, coz this problem is a pandemic!

Jane Eyre (19 versions) [Pedophilia is disturbing to watch...]
Pride and Prejudice (11 versions) [Zombie version coming soon to a theater near you..]
The Three Musketeers (21 versions) [One of these is animated with dogs and cats...]
I could go on but I have neither the time nor desire to list all the Austen, Dumas, Dickens and Bronte film adaptations that assault us every year....and I love the classics.

COPYCATS, because some are just too impatient to read subtitles, we get the "English" version of already great foreign movies.

Brothers (A Dutch remake)
Departed, The (A Japanese remake)
Girl with the Dragon Tatoo, The (A Swedish remake)
Let Me In (A Swedish remake)
Ring, The (A Japanese remake)
The list goes on and on....

The film industry's disastrous holding pattern is now trying to drown us in the Kitty Pool. When you dive in folks take care not to bump your head. It could leave a nasty bruise.

Hansel and Gretel
Once Upon A Time
Red Riding Hood
Snow White and the huntsman
Snow White
*Beauty and the Beast [I am sure this is in the works at some major studio]
Twilight [This book, intended to promote celibacy, depicts the virgin teenage girl as the more sexual aggressive. Hmmm. And I wonder, how does a dead vampire with dead semen impregnate a living woman? And what woman wants to share their bed with a refrigerator? We are already cold at night already!]

Folks, we are stuck on stupid and someone keeps pressing the rewind button keeping us in a loop!

GIRL WITH THE WHAT? Girl, please!

2011-12-31T13:59:00.000-08:00

Last night I was accosted at the movie theater --- BOOM! TWAFF! TING! TUNG! THWACK! TACK! PING! PING! PING! Sensory overload.

Apparently rape was the theme of David Fincher’s GWTDT ! The opening was something you would expect on Tyra Banks’ America’s Next Top Model. Black oil slithering and pouring over white skin with weirdness…random acts of weirdness and I was lost. The book is Swedish. What about this opening was going to put me in Sweden or the story? The TONE was OFF from the first note!

Rooney Mara is about as interesting as watching paint dry and she's the lead.

And why the FUCK was Daniel Craig the only lazy actor on set? Everyone else seemed to be managing a Swedish accent except him. We are beyond blanketing the whole of Europe with a British Accent. Even Robin Wright who looked like a folded piece of leather brought a descent accent with her. So, Lisbeth was raped, she revenged, I walked out and didn’t look back.

This is Fincher having a total lack of respect for other artists. The original, SUBTITLED version was 100% better. WATCH THE ORIGINAL. Let's fund other voices.

"Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome" by DR. JOY DEGRUY

2011-12-06T19:27:00.000-08:00

QUOTING FROM Dr. Joy Degruy's book, "Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome"

I recalled being at a local school parent's meeting where I overheard a conversation occurring between two mothers. One of the mothers was black and the other white. Their children were classmates and played sports together at school. The black mother commented on the achievements of the white mother's child, saying "Your son is really coming along."

The white mother responded with pride, "Thank you. He is quite the man. He's in the talented and gifted program here at the school, and as you know, he's playing well in little league. He has really excelled this year! He's just like his father."

The white woman went on for some time singing the praises of her child. When she finished she turned her attention to the black mother's child, remembering how exceptional he was, and said, "Your son is also doing quite well. I hear..."

Before she finished her statement the black mother, who too was clearly proud of her little boy, said, "Oh girl, he's such a mess at home. Sometimes I could just strangle him."

When we roll the scene back a few hundred years we see a slave master walking through the fields coming upon a slave woman. The slave master approaches her and her children and remarks, "Well now, that Mary of yours is really coming along."

The slave mother, terrified that the slave master may see qualities in her daughter that could merit her being raped or sold says, "Naw sir, she ain't worth nothin'. She cain't work. She stupid. She shiftless." The slave mother's denigrating statements about her daughter were spoken in an effort to dissuade the slave master from molesting or selling her, and of course, no one would fault her. Slave mothers and fathers had been belittling their children in an effort to protect them for hundreds of years. Yet what originally began as an appropriate adaptation to an oppressive and danger-filled environment has been subsequently transmitted down through generations.

While on the surface seemingly harmless, such behavior serves to both humiliate and injure the young black children of today,[...]. Sadly, neither the black mother nor her children understand the historical forces that have helped to shape her behavior. Degruy, pg 10-14

On Trauma's Effect
Perhaps the greatest impact [though], were the daily efforts of the slave owners and others in authority to break the slaves' will. Free will is at the core of being human. Can you imagine what it must be like to have your will assaulted on a daily basis? You live in a society that constantly reminds you that you are no different from livestock and in some cases less valuable. You are beaten until you call the cruelest and most vile man you know "Master". Degruy, pg 120

On Visiting South Africa,
"Did you think we would forget you? I am from Lesotho, Lesotho is my home. If I leave Lesotho, Lesotho is still my home. If I leave Lesotho for fifty years, Lesotho is still my home. You are African, 300 years from home. We mourned Martin and Malcolm with you, we are so proud of you, we just wondered when you were coming home." The tears flowed and we sung yet again. Degruy, pg. 186

A powerful book that makes me "pause" before jumping to conclusions. A MUST READ for all regardless of race.

DID YOU KNOW I HAVE A BOOK OUT?!! Xmas gift idea..

2011-12-03T14:11:00.000-08:00

ON THE VERGE by Peres Owino
Humorous rumblings about sex, politics, religion and all of life's shenanigans.

ORDER YOUR COPY NOW!!!

Amazon.com
http://www.amazon.com/Verge-Peres-Owino/dp/0983045615

Barnes & Nobles
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/On-The-Verge/Peres-Owino/e/9780983045618?itm=1&usri=peres+owino

Boone Bridge Books:
http://www.boonebridgebooks.com/On_Verge_Peres_Owino-i-0983045615

ALIENS DID NOT BUILD THE PYRAMIDS!!

2011-12-03T13:07:00.000-08:00

I really can't stand this nuevo-ideology that Aliens built the pyramids because, apparently, we humans are too dumb to have done it. We, who are currently using only 1/3 of our brains, most of that fixated on the Kardashians like an illegal fetish, have still managed to birth the airplane, the space shuttle, the iphone, skype, the internet, google, penicillin, the test tube baby, 3D movies, the light bulb and the list goes on. If we can build a capsule that sends us into outer space, conqueror that which is beyond our earth don't you think we can figure out how to work those things that are on earth? If we can trap electricity for nightly illumination, and I am still not sure what electricity is, don't you think we can figure out how to stack large stones?

We look at the wisdom of the ancients with an awe that cripples us, prevents us from seeing the magic we create everyday. As we muse at the natural brilliance of Ancient man we fail to see that their wisdom comes from their quiet observance of nature. Their wisdom has been handed down and lie in our very DNA, the source of modern man's continual brilliance.

If we allow ourselves to be impressed with the modern inventions we've come to take for granted, then maybe we will believe enough to see how we built the pyramid.

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE RADIO INTERVIEW

2011-11-09T12:07:00.000-08:00

WHY do the documentary AFRICANS versus AFRICAN AMERICANS? Listen to PERES and TENE on MOTOWN MAURICE Blogtalk RADIO.

Africans versus African Americans: Healing the sibling rivalry

2011-10-14T09:38:00.000-07:00

Please stop by our page and donate to "Africans versus African Americans" Finishing Fund so we may present it at the Pan African Film Festival (where we have been invited to premiere). Spread the word......Every $10, $20 ++ counts! "Haba na haba hujaza kibaba" (little by little fills up the pot)

http://www.indiegogo.com/African-versus-African-Americans?c=activity&a=108338&i=addr

Also continue the conversation at "AVAAtheconversation.blogspot.com"

And out Facebook Fan page: "Africans versus African Americans"

Illegal Immigration as American as Apple Pie?

2011-09-07T11:56:00.000-07:00

So, I got to thinking about illegal immigration and racism and arrived at a very logical conclusion. Illegal immigration is as American as Apple Pie! The first coyote, English at least, was clearly Sir. Richard Grenville and the first illegal immigrant was the first passenger to disembark from either the Tiger, the Red Lion, the Roebuck, the Elizabeth or the Dorothy. Sure the need to maximize productivity ushered in the use of planes, trains and automobiles and increased the volume of humans smuggled, but the idea itself is ingrained in the nation's history.

Then comes racism, which really got entrenched in American culture during the age of indentured servitude and slavery. In a calculated attempt to stay any potential revolt from the underclass, the wealthy minority gave limited "power" to the indentured whites by having them monitor and punish the enslaved blacks. A trick that is nothing more than handing a carrot to a donkey before jumping on its back. This tactic of divide and conqueror is as old as mankind. Shoot, these days kids use it on their parents!

RAP

2011-09-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

If you can't see that fighting over racial differences is keeping us all oppressed you are blind. If you think the founding fathers fought so every American could have a dream house encircled by a white picket fence containing 2.5 kids, 2 cars in the garage and a dog named Spot you are an idiot. And if you miss the fact that Political Correctness is nothing more than self-censorship you need to be censored.

Strange Bedfellows

2011-09-07T10:44:00.000-07:00

Is the Republican party fucking you over? Yes. Is the Tea party threatening to tea bag? Yes. Is the Democratic party just laying down and taking it? Yes, oh yes!

sigh African Stereotypes Ahead...oh dear

2011-06-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

DESTINATION PARADISO

So this past month or so, my beloved and I took a trip to Paradise, aka MAUI. I have to say it is truly the most beautiful destination in the US. Did you know that there are NO snakes in Hawaii, just Coqui frogs singing at 80-90 decibels every night? Those who have migrated to Hawaii are petitioning the State to wipe the frogs out because these amphibians are not indigenous to the Island and therefore dangerous to the ecosystem. HAHAHAHA! Look at the pot calling the kettle black.

BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL

Speaking of black, Maui boasts one of the most beautiful features of any coastline, BLACK SAND BEACHES. Hawaii is also known for some RED sand beaches, but you know what they say..."once you go black everything else sucks!" Now, I will admit that unlike regular white or brown sand, the black sand situation is a tad more -- um rough, coarse nah too racist, conjures up images of violence, bad language and nappy hair --- a tad more prickly!

SOFT LANDING

But I couldn't complain coz after every piercing moment on the sand, came a soft landing in this cute little love shack atop the hill, where we spent the nights listening to the geckos chatting amongst themselves and with us. Apparently geckos confirm a true human statement by making whatever sound it is they make. Not sure I believe that but the locals do and that is good enough for me.

HEAVEN AND EARTH COLLIDE

That and the fact that heaven would come down everyday and kiss the earth. It took everything in me not to give in to a life of spiritual wanderings in the jungles of Hawaii with a seldom cleaned booty. Being an African, all this sort of wilderness living spoke to me, it was calling me. And some times it was not easy to fight the urge, especially when I encountered stuff like this.

TRIPPIN' ON THE VINE

Now tell me you didn't wonder whether you could swing off it? Maybe you didn't, but I sure as hell did. The wild and untamed gene in me wanted recognition, satisfaction. It became cocky, turning to the non-Africans with a grand proclamation, "I bet you I can swing off this." They laughed and dismissed me. DISMISSED THE CHANCE TO WITNESS A PURELY WILD EXPERIENCE! This Africana diva was not going to be denied.

TARZANA

So let me be the first to say "Shia, you get my respect dude!" Swinging off these vines is not an easy fete...for real. There was a whole lot of blood, sweat and chaffing with no productive swinging motion to show for it. I cried like a baby. No adult should be allowed to endure such pain. Maybe I was top heavy, maybe this Africana is too westernized, I don't know. What I do know is that I did not have the core strength to pull it off, an admission that demoralized me. I had to redeem myself somehow.

TREE HUGGER

But alas, it was time to return to Los Angeles. And after searching extensively for ways to redeem my lost African pride, all I could come up with was this wicked stunt!

Hey, what do you expect, it's LA!!!

CONDOMS OR LOLLIPOPS

2011-06-02T15:52:00.000-07:00

COLORFUL PLEASURE

Are these condoms of lollipops?

It is dangerous when you can't tell the difference. This certainly makes a sexual predator's work a whole lot easier. Talk about two birds with one stone. Argh!

THE DANGERS OF SHORT SIGHTED MARKETING

Really, there is no need for lollipop-like condoms unless the expected sexual participants are under the age of 18. And if that is the case, one better call 911 or Child Services. They are NOT cute, if anything, they are very disturbing.

Till Death....

2011-05-19T04:21:00.000-07:00

"Till Death Do Us Part?" I thought the dying came after the marriage not before.

This may be in poor taste but it must be said. With the Male:Female ratio in China being what it is, of course the authorities had to prevent this jilted bride from staining the sidewalk. China is in no position to let any uterus go to waste, especially ones it let survive.

Reality dictates that 10 years from now she may not remember the dude's name coz 10 other guys will have helped ease her pain. But one thing that will follow her forever is this video.

Why do women die to be married?

RED CLIFF

2011-05-15T01:05:00.000-07:00

I just finished John Woo's RED CLIFF. Magnificent! Is it only me or are the movies from Asia rich with texture and color?

No matter the carnage, coz there always seems to be some epic battle going on in these flicks, you can't help but think, "Dang, is that brain matter!? But awww look at how green and vibrant the background is. Why I can just see myself wadding through that serene lake betwix the lush mountains and pristine waterfall."

If your mind is not stuck on laziness, since all these movies are subtitled, please take a minute to view some of Asia's great masterpieces "Raise the Red Lantern", "Curse of the Golden Lotus", "Red Cliff", "Hero", "House of Flying Daggers", "The Legend".

And if you don't mind jetting across the globe, please do give some of these Latin American/Spanish films a try. You will not be disappointed. I will solidify my pretentiousness by listing them in Spanish. Hey, you learned something today. "Nueve Reinas", "En La Cama", "El Secreto de Sus Ojos", "El Laberinto Del Fauno", "El Orfanato", "Biutiful", "Y Tu Mama Tambien", "Diarios de Motocicleta", "Amores Perro", El Crimen del Padre Amaro", "Che" and "El Aura" just to mention a few.

POLA X Y?

2011-05-14T21:52:00.001-07:00

Have you ever watched a movie that left you so confused the only thing you could do after was take a bath? Some movies are nothing more than cinematic masturbation, just a director going at it! That is a great visual description of Pola X. Y? I laugh that you ask.

But feel free to watch it and prove me wrong. I should warn you however that you'll have to sit through 134 minutes of subtitles, bizarre characters and unshaved vaginas. Guys, trust me, there are not worth it.

Jane Error! aka (Jane Eyre 2011 Film review)

2011-03-26T19:11:00.001-07:00

Just dragged my sleepy behind from the Arclight Theater in Manhattan Beach where I endured a grueling 120 minutes of Jane Eyre. OK England, I know Bronte is a right of passage for all British actors but seriously.

There was absolutely no chemistry between the two leads (Michael and Mia). I felt like I was watching pedophilia unfold, UNCOMFORTABLE! Argh! So I waited to see who directed this mess and let me just put it this way, "it's like having your sushi made by a Mexican or anyone who is not Japanese."

BBC, you need to know when you are no longer able to top yourself. I see no reason for another Jane Eyre pic after the grand performances by Wilson and Stephens (Jane Eyre 2006). The tally stands at 22 screen adaptations and counting. HESUS! That's like a new version every other week.

And while I'm at it, please let us not attempt another "Pride and Prejudice" adaptation. Unless of course one plans to severely modernize the story e.g. "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" coming out 2013.

Just saying.

WE, KENYANS DESERVE BETTER 2

2011-02-01T13:40:00.000-08:00

MURDER WITH IMPUNITY!!!

Last year I almost lost my father. Yes, it deserves that much drama!

There is nothing like a near death experience to remind one that our parents are mortal. Once I got over the shock and pain of almost losing my father I got PISSED! I wanted to know what the hell happened! Well, I was later to find out that Dr. "Killjoy" at Aga Khan hospital had operated on my father when his sugar level was 21. And not only that, they were operating on him while he still had food in his system. Everyone knows that you are not allowed to eat 24 hours before surgery, unfortunately, no one mentioned this to my dad and no one asked him whether he had anything to eat before they skippingly wheeled him into the OR.

Of course, the stitches bust and he had to hold his entrails as they poured out of his body. If it wasn't for his spitfire of a wife, my mom, he would not have made it. She had to call the doctor at his HOME and drag his Kevorkian ass out of bed to attend to my dad! And even after all that drama, their phaqery had to be rectified by another hospital!

To add insult to injury, upon my arrival in Kenya I got some news about my former Principal and Mother’s best friend. Apparently her hysterectomy surgery went well. But 3 hours later she was dead! HOW when the surgery went well, you ask? Well, the doctors had accidentally cut her small intestines, not once but twice, resulting in a slow leak into her system killing her in her sleep. Cuts they failed to notice before stitching her up! Where did this happen? Aga Khan Hospital.

The Medical board has refused to step in and hold one of their own responsible. Will the Ministry of Health step in and do something about this hospital’s murderous record?

WE DESERVE BETTER!

WE, KENYANS DESERVE BETTER 1

2011-02-01T13:16:00.000-08:00

POLITICAL CULTURE SHOCK!!!!

Here is how I have come to understand the different political cultures of this world. Let's say, hypothetically, that a Politician is caught in some sort of unethical act (I know, a stretch of the imagination) but let's just say. How do the different cultures handle this?

In America, the culprit first has a very public press conference in which he re-enforces his uber-Evangelical stance on family values by announcing his "decision" to resign from politics so he might spend more time with his family. Then he is indicted and brought before the courts of the land to face his accusers. Once found guilty, because the justice system here works (*cough*) he is sentenced to 3-5 years in a minimum to no-security prison, somewhere close to his home. 90 days into his stretch in the pen he receives a presidential pardon that miraculously coincides with his finding the ever-lost Jesus. With a book deal in hand, he is welcomed back into the bosom of society as a rehabilitated man (unless of-course he is Black and must therefore serve his entire sentence).

In Japan, everything is handled quickly and simply. Once the dishonored man is identified, he resigns swiftly and we match straight to the penalty phase. Within 24 hours the dishonored man will make time to speak words of encouragement to his children, bid farewell to his wife, dress in traditional garb and apologetically fall on his sword (unless of-course he is a wimp then someone will have to give him some lead assistance).

In Kenya, the process may not be as elaborate as the Americans or as swift as the Asians, but it is certainly the boldest. Once the graft-loving politician has been identified, the state skips over inconveniences such as indictments, commissions, tribunals, trials, the Hague, prison terms and rehabilitation straight into forgiveness and reward by promoting the said Politician.

Seriously!

WE (KENYANS) DESERVE BETTER!!

Where In The World Is Egypt, Foxnews?

2011-02-01T11:58:00.000-08:00

Someone please tell me this did not happen. Please. Coz nothing I say can add to this ignorance.

Going Home - The Day Before

2010-12-12T16:13:00.000-08:00

The question becomes...will Kenya have changed too much for me to feel at home or will I have changed too much to belong? We'll see. My the way, my folks don't know that I am going home so shhhh!!!

Going home to Kenya after 15 years!!!

2010-12-12T15:25:00.000-08:00

A little exhausted from the shopping. A little pissed that I have to get gifts...not cheap, just HATE shopping. Anyway, tomorrow is the big day...

Clash Between Perversity and Mediocrity

2010-12-03T10:20:00.000-08:00

I hate how my moral compass, dictated by societal codes of morality, struggles against my wild cravings and natural human inclinations. It is as if my mind with its unwavering bent towards logic is at odds with my heart's passionate beats.

How does one reconcile this struggle without hurting those one loves so irrationally? How does one pursue both forks in the road without splitting one's soul in half.

And what the fuck is the soul anyway?

Whores on Santa Monica Blvd.

2010-12-03T10:00:00.000-08:00

Bank of America is like the whores on Santa Monica boulevard, there is one on every corner. Seriously, I have never seen a diseased thing prostitute itself like this institution.

In fact, it is an insult to compare whores, hookers, prostitutes, gigolos, gold diggers, call girls, porn stars, sluts and any one else who sells themselves for sex, to Bank of America. At least with the former you are receiving some sort of pleasure from the relationship albeit for a nominal fee.

Black Swan – Best Picture and Actress nomination? Not if I’m voting.

2010-11-16T11:39:00.000-08:00

Black Swan is all the hype right now and I will admit to jumping onto that bandwagon with the agility of an African chimp, and snagging a screening pass from a friend. 41/2 hours later - coz that is how long my experience with the screening lasted - I walked out of the theater hungry and pissed (not the alcohol kind).

Basically Black Swan is a movie about a woman trapped in her little girl mind, her ballet slippers, bulimia and acute paranoid schizophrenia. Interesting concept when you think about it, right? And that is exactly my problem with this film, I was THINKING for 108 minutes. Which means, the film never drew me out of myself and into the story. I spent the whole time spectating, wondering, deducing but never experiencing.

Our heroine, Natalie Portman is flawless with her ballet pointes. But seriously, even Forrest Gump showed more emotional range and he was an idiot. Aronofsky presents us with a ballerina suffering from acute schizophrenia brought on by her unattainable desire to be perfect. And what does our character learn after a harrowing journey that fouette’s her into various forms of self-mutilation and severe paranoid schizophrenia? You mean, besides making a strong case for more mental health programs? Nina learns that she IS perfect? Character arc anyone?

There was a moment that would have made this movie great! That moment was the murder in the dressing room that inspired Nina's powerful performance as the Black Swan. If Aronofsky had allowed that moment to be real it would have been as powerful as the spinning top in Inception. Can you imagine, such beauty and perfection from ugliness? But alas, Aronofsky took that moment from us and dropped it into Nina's psychosis.

Was Black Swan a bad movie? No way! Darren Aronofsky is a genius and I’ll fight anyone who thinks otherwise.

Is it Oscar worthy? Go watch Inarritu’s Biutiful then ask yourself that question.

Los Angeles IS the city of angels.

2010-11-14T14:19:00.001-08:00

I am tired of out-of-towners who come to LA for a visit and disrespect Angelenos.

First, fake people are EVERYWHERE in this world. At least here you can tell them apart by their boobs and lips, so count that as a blessing.

And second, if Angelenos having either a headshot, director's reel, spec script or capezio dance shoes on the ready annoys you, stop and think for a moment about where you are. THIS IS HOLLYWOOD - ENTERTAINMENT CAPITAL OF THE WORLD! Artists have to hustle for every gig or go hungry. And the tools of our trade are---please see above. If we were in Pittsburgh (50 years ago) everyone would have a plaid shirt and a hard hat. If we were in Miami everyone would have an STD and a six pack....hmmm or is that San Fernando Valley?

And finally, where can one find a gathering of people resilient enough to continue pursuing their dreams after multiple rejections? Los Angeles, California. This is the City of Angels not because some of the folks here are cute, but because Angelenos continue to dream and believe despite insurmountable odds.

TV vs INTERNET: Which is more dangerous?

2010-11-07T15:23:00.000-08:00

For those of you who believe that the internet, unlike the TV, is less dangerous, corrupt and the source of more accurate information, think about this - Network and Media moguls, though cunning are seldom stupid and rarely insane. But any mentally disturbed, paranoid-schizophrenic with an internet hook up can log onto a computer, spray the web with their clozapine and risperdal laced rants and call it truth.

Which do you think is a more dangerous source? The quiet voice that steals into the frontal lobe of a heavily medicated individual, or the calculated thoughts of a man who knows that feeding the public what it thinks it wants, gets him what he knows he wants?

What do you get from an arranged marriage?

2010-11-07T11:53:00.000-08:00

For the full effect, go to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0WS6ECbh3tk&sns=fb

Trust me, it will be worth it. Below is a sample of the hilarious dialogue you will encounter.

Husband: "The American women they using the mouth, you don't use the mouth. You refuse to use the mouth."

Wife: "Well, you don't use the mouth either...maybe the man are supposed to use the mouth. If you wanted to get some, you'd give some as well."

Husband: "20% of the time you are on the periodical anyway"

Wife: "100% of the time you are on the stupid." LOL

There is a lot concealed underneath the sari and apparently some Indian men are getting tired of it.

CROSS POLLINATE

2010-11-03T23:07:00.001-07:00

So, I head off to Target to get some flameless candles for my show and I stumble upon a copy of the ESSENCE magazine; the issue with Kerry Washington on the cover, possibly showcasing the fake Afro Wig atop her head, with the words “Race: Being Black in America” by Soledad O’Brien leaping off her airbrushed left cheek.

I don't know about you but I could feel the stench of frustration riding across the bridge of my nose, while apathy weaseled its way up my belly knocking the edge of my epiglottis. Why would anyone put an article about being Black in America on Essence? Because it carters to Black readers, would be your respond. And to that I say, for that very reason it should NOT be in Essence.

I mean, have Black folks suddenly forgotten their experiences that they need a reminder? Or, is Soledad going to provide us with some new information? I seriously doubt that. See, having this article in Essense is like preaching to a choir that has been preached the HECK out! Why not print it in Elle where they have a fondness for de-coloring Black people? (See image below). Or print it in Vogue where black models can barely get a job. Teach them some racial empathy.

Better yet, how about putting it in Fair Vanity…opps Vanity Fair (VF) who seem to forget that there are dark people in America. I believe we all remember VF saluting young Hollywood with a fair cover celebrating its vanity (see image below). These are the folks that need the education. These are the folks that need to appreciate the penny in the piggy bank.

The problem with this country is that opposing sides are not talking to each other, let alone listening. Everyone is preaching to their respective choir giving no thought to the hungry man on the street, much like the churches do - (hmmm...there is something to that comparison). FOX news has a completely conservative audience who will never be caught browsing WFThasObamadonesofar.com. While Bill Maher and Jon Stewart are flanked by liberals and progressives who make a mockery of Rush Limbaugh and Glen Beck followers. The Left and Right see and hear only what confirms their own -ism. Progress will not come until both sides admit they HAVE been wrong.

And that will only be achieved by cross-pollinating information. The Left's ideas should be reviewed by the Right and vise versa. Simply put, if you don't know where your opponents stand on issues you can't have a dialogue, only an argument fraught with misinformation?

2010: All Reproductive Organs Mutually Represented

2010-10-26T21:06:00.000-07:00

Now, lets figure this one out together.

It is election season and all wackos are out! All reproductive organs mutually represented. Most of them are howling at the moon, some are chanting "government is incompetent, big and blotted" while running for public office.

If that is the case why shouldn't the voting public assume you, the candidate, are incompetent, big and blotted? After all you are running for a slot in government and if incompetent, big and blotted is the norm then it must inevitably be the prerequisite, no?

It must be because why would anyone spend millions of dollars to be part of an institution or organization they had little to no respect for unless they were incompetent? Wouldn't going postal be a more appropriate response?

Or maybe RESIGNING the moment one is declared the winner that way they get the point across while actually reducing the size of government AND our taxes coz that's one less person we have to pay?

Unless of course they are lying or insane or lying or unethical or yes, deceitful.

If you are going to lie your way into public office at least take the time to assume that some portion of the voting public is actually intelligent enough to sniff you out! That goes double for you, stiletto coalition. And we thought Palin was the only uterus we had to worry about. The Witch, The Gums, The Tomboy and the Wrestler are all walking in the footsteps of the Palin. Clearly the Hillary movement birthed no one.

Post Natal Depression

2010-10-26T20:27:00.000-07:00

Fossil Fuel Dependency vs Green Living
Unregulated vs Regulated Capitalism
Exploitation vs Preservation
Debt Increase vs Common Sense
Imprisonment vs Legalization of Marijuana
War vs Peace
Repression vs Expression

It is safe to say our old ways are battling dementia and the new must take power before we are all swallowed up by this insanity.

Much like a deranged mother suffering from post natal depression unknowing hugs her baby a little too hard, a little too long until it is dead, these old ways will unknowingly choke the new ideas while in the crib until they are dead.

And there goes the next generation!

Who is sitting on your exit row?

2010-10-26T19:58:00.000-07:00

When you get on a plane do you ever wonder who is sitting on the exit row? Folks, this is a very serious point to ponder. I mean, have you ever considered that the exit rowee maybe disabled in a manner likely to suggest them incapable of the task and that they are merely paying for the addition leg room?

Just so you understand where I'm coming from....I wrote this onboard a US Airways flight from Atlanta to Phoenix where the two ladies sitting on the exit row proclaimed upon boarding, "exit row coz we are so responsible right?" and laughed at the cosmic irony. I started to get nervous.

Once nicely buckled in they began a spirited conversation with the guy sitting closest to the door. Their first question was the obvious "so what have you been up to all day?"And this knight in shining armor responds out loud, “oh, I've been drinking all morning." More alcohol induced laughter. This Africana was in full panic mode at this point, throwing my $70 braided head about wondering if anyone else was noticing this insanity. My glance landed on the Steward standing RIGHT BESIDE THE SELF PROFESSED ALCOHOLIC. He smiled and ignored him. After all, the guy had said "yes" when asked if he was able to handle the emergency door if we swan dived into the Mojavi desert.

So basically, according to US Airways it is perfectly okay for a drunk man to be in charge of the exit door and inevitable my escape route in case this hunk of metal takes a nose dive. A drunk who talked over the barely audible Stewardess who sighed several times into the microphone while delivering the life saving address. This was all to much, I needed a destruction.

Wow, the clouds look beautiful from up here. Like cotton candy or soft pillow feathers. I feel like taking a nap. Unfortunately, the alcoholic has decided to engage the entire Coach cabin in his life story. Argh! There is nothing worse than a lippy drunk!

God, let's just land.

And we did....and I got a new bunch of folks in the exit row for my trip to Los Angeles.

Yipee...huh...no wait!? Why is it taking two people to find seat number 22F? Ah, that one lady is translating the boarding pass to the other lady. So one of these folks does not speak or read English? Okay, and she is parking her behind on the Exit row. Well, that is a sure boot off the exit row coz one of the questions that deserves a "YES" is are you able to read and understand English?

Wait a minute! Did that old lady just lie? WOW. So basically, when shit hits the fan we are gonna have to get her a translator to help her understand how to get us off the burning plane.

Really US Airways..

Palin, Lindsay and Castro, the consequence of inbreeding

2010-09-10T12:19:00.000-07:00

All the world's stupidity can be blamed on IN BREEDING!

If the Judeo-Islamic-Christian mythology of creation is true, that we all sprang from the loins of point-the-finger Adam and I-wear-the-pants Eve, then people, we have/are severely inbreeding at this point. The current human DNA strain is very dilute, explaining the cause of all our global woes, from our assault on baby seals to global warming. Think about it. I mean, we’ve tried to save humanity by mixing up the races but some folks cannot be reasoned with.

Why else would the world be dealing with a squealing soccer mom who waves at Putin from her bedroom window in Alaska while successfully challenging the US Presidency?

Or a Pastor in the abyss of middle age, threatening to burn the Islamic Holy book.

What of Fidel Castro, once a champion of liberty, tossing Cuba into Dynastic rule?

And Mormons who are quicker to accept the canoodling of young, hyperventilating females to soul-less vampires or steroid popping werewolves (i.e The Twilight Series) than allow gay marriages?

And finally, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian aka the sex tape diva trio? - Never in the history of porn have performers gained so much with so little talent. Ms. Jameson gained her notoriety for actually being good at sex.

IN BREEDING. IN BREEDING!!

There ain’t enough people worth two cents to rub together to make a dollar.

Can we all send a plea to the White House to continuing funding the space program? Our very survival depends on it, coz it’s time to import some lizard people or green men from Mars to mate with the human population (or just the Mormons).

People, we need to do something to upgrade the species.

The "Caucasian" creation myth.

2010-08-31T15:04:00.000-07:00

It just occurred to me that the creation story Caucasians spread around the world as their own, is actually the Hebrew creation myth. Adam and Eve were Hebrews. And for those anti-semites out there, sorry but Jesus is a Jew. Yes, I am talking to you Mel Gibson.

Just like I know the Luo, Kikuyu, Hebrew, Islamic etc creation myths I wonder, is there a Nordic or Aryan or Anglo creation myth? Do they have one? Anyone know?

The Catholic Church poisoning students?

2010-08-23T14:07:00.000-07:00

How far would the Catholic church go to curb homosexuality?

The answer to this is another question.

What do Nuns, African girls and kerosene have in common?

I was recently informed that boarding schools in Kenya, most of which are run by the Catholic Church, had the habit of lacing students' food with kerosene hoping this would suppress their sexual urges. It was their way of curbing homosexual behavior in boarding schools.

I was at a Catholic girls boarding school from the ninth to the twelfth grade. If this allegation is true, then thousands of Kenyans, like myself, were subjected to at least four years of kerosene induced sexual repression without our consent.

I smell a lawsuit capable of breaking the very back of the Vatican and its strong hold in Africa. Something to think very strongly about.

Can anyone confirm this?

Alcohol Induced Fornication Anyone? No?

2010-08-23T13:30:00.001-07:00

Skyy Infusion - $2.99 at Bevmo Online
Cherries - $0.59 a pound
2 drunk Babes - $0.00
Being subtle about it all - Priceless

I know that fluids laced with alcohol are notorious for instigating the unchecked flow of natural lubricants that inevitable lead one to desiring both the usual and the exotic of the opposite sex, but to have this general progression plastered on a giant billboard in the US is very ballsy for this sexually repressed culture.

I mean, wow! Alcohol induced fornication anyone? No?

EMPTY

2010-08-13T00:00:00.000-07:00

There is an empty place within us where fear and failure collide and the light of love cannot penetrate. Tonight I looked into that place and its emptiness glared back into me. And in the dark of night, while the whole world slept, I cried.

Pre-Coital Agreement

2010-07-28T03:43:00.000-07:00

And finally...at 3:43AM. We present a document that might help prevent all those unwanted pregnancies, baby mama dramas and the trapping of relatively sane people in loveless marriages for the sake of the baby.

DETOUR: The next person who calls a pregnancy "accidental" will get an ear full from me.

Penis + Vagina = Semen dispersement (Ejaculation) x Ovum ambush (Fertilization) = Fetus

A thing doing what it is designed to do is no accident, merely brilliant engineering!

PRE-COITAL AGREEMENT

WHEREAS, __________________________ (hereinafter referred to as Depositor”) and ______________________ (hereinafter referred to as “Receiver”) are currently pre-coital but wish to provide, prior to coitus, for a formal agreement ensuring that their separate lives will remain free from any claims arising out of the prospective coital relationship.

WHEREAS the Parties desire to contract with each other concerning matters of reproductive management during the term of their coital relationship and is intend to be a binding and enforceable pre-coital agreement and they understand and intend that the provisions of this Agreement shall prevail over the provisions of law or any jurisdiction that would apply in the absence of this Agreement.

1. CONDOM USE
A discussion regarding the use of protective gear must precede any disrobing.
I, ”Depositor” DO/DO NOT hereby consent to wear a silicone, lamb or plastic material over my member during coitus to provide an alternate receiver of my manly juices for the sole purpose of preventing the unwanted fertilization of “Receiver” ovum.

I, ”Receptor” do hereby consent to engaging in a coital relationship WITH/WITHOUT “Depositor” wearing a silicone, lamb or plastic material over Depositor’s member during coitus to provide an alternate receiver of his manly juices for the sole purpose of preventing the unwanted fertilization of my ovum with the understanding that “Depositor” is released from any and all parental involvement and responsibility (e.g. financial, emotional, spiritual, physical etc) in the life of my offspring in the event that my ovum is unwantedly fertilized.

2. MORNING AFTER PILL
Two Morning After Pills plus Instructions must be presented to Receiver pre-coital.

I, ”Depositor” DO hereby present “Receiver” with TWO MORNING AFTER PILLS (PLUS INSTRUCTIONS) to be consumed no more than 72 hours after completion of coital relationship for the sole purpose of preventing the unwanted fertilization of Receiver ovum.

I, ”Receiver” DO hereby confirm receipt of TWO MORNING AFTER PILLS (PLUS INSTRUCTIONS) which I choose to CONSUME/NOT CONSUME no more than 72 hours after the coital relationship for the sole purpose of preventing the unwanted fertilization of my ovum with the understanding that “Depositor” is released from any and all parental involvement and responsibility (e.g. financial, emotional, spiritual, physical etc) in the life of my offspring in the event that my ovum is unwantedly fertilized.

3. LOOP HOLE
In the event that “Receiver” does not reach orgasm, this Agreement is to be considered null and void and “Receiver” is free to go after “Depositor” for everything, you selfish son of a bitch!

4. NO INVOLVEMENT FOREVER
I, “Depositor” do hereby consent to relinquish all parental involvement and responsibility (e.g. financial, emotional, spiritual, physical etc) in the life of the offspring in the event that “Receiver’s” ovum is unwantedly fertilized, for the duration of my entire natural live plus fifty years.

5. AGREEMENT EXECUTED AS OWN FREE WILL
The parties agree that each enters into this Agreement without any reservations or promises, though there may be some pressure or inducements, they have done so as their own free and voluntary act and deed.

6. GUILT TRIPS & IDLE THREATS
If any disputes arise relative to the pre-coital agreement and the parties cannot resolve it, both parties agree that they will not result to guilt trips and idle threats.

7. AMENDMENT
This Agreement is binding and cannot be alterable by any custodians of the state, judicial or government entities without a mutual written Agreement signed by both Parties.

8. EXECUTION IN COUNTERPARTS
This Agreement may be executed in counterparts each of which when so executed and delivered shall be deemed to be an original and all of which together shall constitute but one and the same instrument.

9. BINDING ON SUCCESSORS
Each and every provision hereof shall inure to the benefit of and shall be binding upon the heirs, assigns, personal representatives, and all successors in the interest of the parties.

PARTIES SIGNATURES

____________________________________
Depositor Date

_____________________________________
Receiver Date

*This Agreement is void if signed Post-Coital.
** Please make two copies.

4:02AM - I THINK I HAVE EARNED SOME SLEEP NOW

Lets Talk About Sex

2010-07-28T02:28:00.000-07:00

Why? Because Hannah Montana has discovered that she can do a lot more with those hips than jump on stage. She can shove them into a leotard and crotch-smothering tight jeans.

WHAT!?

Parents the world over are having their pubescent daughters tare down their Hannah Montana posters to protest her recent MTV award fashion debacle. And that is all I want to say about that. Let’s get on to the sex part.

We all remember our teenage years when pimples and burning loins were commonplace. As if that wasn’t hard enough (no pun intended) the Hollywood, Bollywood and all the rest of the woods were over sexing everything. Everything had a sex angle. The type of beer you bought determined how many chicks you’d bang that night. You name it they attached a crotch to it. Hence the term “sex sells”.

Throw yourself into an 80s or 90s movie flashback. It was all about the human “Basic Instinct.” Sex came with a cheesy theme song, steamy windows, a foggy ambiance, delicious sweat trembling down toned, tanned caramel skin and fireworks that augmented the deep moans of rapture. Everyone having sex seemed to be having fun, as was implied by the post-coital glow, regardless of how “Fatal the Attraction”. They made it look like touching heaven. After one of those movies, you couldn’t wait to go out and get some. Sex was/is everywhere, even on Bugs Bunny. BUT, you were not allowed to mention it, let alone engage in it. Only loose girls and fast boys were allowed to touch heaven.

Can humanity be anymore sexually repressed than it already is? This morality stick has become ridiculous. Think about it. Africans, who spent the better part of the 20th century with tits and genitalia in the wind, are all covered up in batik or Kente cloth in a false sense of modesty. This s*$% ain’t right. And what the adults are doing to the teenagers should be punishable by death!

Adults, who really do run these “entertainment” industries, ram this stuff down the throats of hot-blooded teenagers then vilify them for shaving their heads and popping out babies with unknown backup dancers (hey. Britney?) They are confused. Wouldn’t you be? Feeling all these new feelings, being shown what to do with them, but being threatened with hell fire make the connection. Seriously, one is liable to turn to drugs when 1+1 is no longer 2.

Steal Plantations

2010-07-28T01:52:00.000-07:00

You wake up every morning, wash yourself (hopefully), brush your teeth (probably), put some clothes on (definitely) and head out to a steel plantation where you slave for eight hours - minus the two fifteen minute and the one half hour lunch breaks you are legally allowed - to earn a small piece of paper with some numbers on it.
Upon receipt of this small piece of paper, you hop, skip and jump over to another steel plantation where you hand it over to a stranger, who is equally enslaved, who takes it and puts it someplace save with your number to identify it. You walk out believing it will be there when you need it.

You rush over to another steel plantation where you use a plastic card with more numbers on it to purchase food filled with high fructose corn syrup. This plastic card allows these plantations to take numbers from the small piece of paper that you were handed at your plantation, that you gave a stranger at another plantation to hold for you until you needed it. These numbers taken from your small piece of paper end up in other small pieces of paper handed to those people working in the plantations that grow the corn that makes the high fructose corn syrup.

This government approved high fructose corn syrup proceeds to burn a hole in your stomach causing extreme pain, forcing you to run off to another steel plantation where a doctor resides. The doctor asks if you have a separate plastic card with numbers that guarantee he’ll get a small piece of paper with numbers that he too can hand a stranger in another steel plantation to hold for him until he needs it. But you don’t have this card with the numbers that guarantee his small paper because the small piece of paper you were handed at your plantation does not have enough numbers to afford the separate card that has now become law.

So you return to your steel plantation and park yourself in front of a box, you bought with 50% of the numbers on your small piece of paper, to numb your sense while you wait for death to ease your pain.

And you had to go to college just to earn the right to this fallacy!

ON A TRUTH COLLISION

2010-07-26T23:36:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, while driving home, something happened that caused me much reflection. While cruising down Highland, I came down to the point on Wilshire Boulevard where the two-lane street merges into one lane. This merging was not the result of “construction ahead” or “accident ahead” signs, but merely the way the road is constructed. Therefore everyone living in Los Angeles, everyone who takes that street knows that Highland turns into one lane at Wilshire Boulevard. But, as is to be expected where lanes merge, there are always those drivers who “pretend” to be oblivious of this merger going as far as ignoring all pertinent traffic signs to circumvent their selfishness. It was such a driver who screeched out of the left lane onto the merging lane with the intention of cutting in line.

Unbeknowst to Miss Speedy, she was on a collision course with an African on the verge of a spiritual awakening. She pulled up beside me and manipulatively (based on her motive I hesitate to call her request polite) begged, “could you let me in, (then the after-thought) please?” Translation, “I really don’t want to wait in line so I am hoping to guilt you into letting me cut in front of you”. I took a deep breath, looked her dead in the eyes and then it happened. That small voice within said, “African, be 100% truthful”. Guilt assuaged I calmly said “NO”. She gathered her guilt from my windshield and moved on to the next car.

Now, I know some of you are cringing because you have been taught to play NICE, but you know what, nice is not truth and truth is not always pretty. What if I had let her in while calling her names under my breath? Or better yet, let her in with a curse laced “God bless you” thrown in for good measure? (Come on Christians out there know what I mean. Some of you do it so often you owe God royalties). All that falsehood would do is re-enforce the hypocrisy that so often takes the place of truth. Truth, people, requires that one be honest with oneself first, and that day I wanted to go to bed with a guiltless conscious so my answer was NO.

What most people fail to realize about this situation is that I “honestly, truly did NOT want to let her in” and I truthfully let she and I know this. But there is an even deeper truth here - PARADIGM SHIFT MOMENT - By asking me she was open to either a yes OR no answer. Asking does not necessarily result in a YES response. NO should be just as acceptable. If you don’t understand this then here is a little exercise - bend a knee and toss up a prayer for a pony right now! See, even God says NO once in a while. In my book, there is nothing wrong with saying NO, but there is something wrong with being nice in an attempt to camouflage a truthful NO!

Question: What if she was a crazed woman with a gun? Then we would not be having this bloversation!

No More Fuckeries!!!!!!

2010-07-20T15:47:00.000-07:00

This is the inter-galactic response to the current humanoid insanity!!!

Earth and its inhabitants have been the topic of discussion at the Annual Inter Galactic Alliance Assembly meetings for the past two thousand years. There has been a general concern among the members of the Alliance that the human race is unleashing a tremendous amount of fuckery upon the Earth.

It is the opinion of all members of the Alliance, excluding Earthlings whose IQ levels are below Assembly standards, that these lower beings are not consuming bovines fast enough due to their preoccupation with fossil fuels and not the true culprit in their midst. The Neptians and Uranians are particularly peeved by the amount of methane gas being unleashed by the Earth dwelling bovines as the gaseous matter fogs up their planets every 150 days when Jupiter and Saturn step out of the way putting them in Earth's general direction.

After extensive debate the IGA passed the Fuckery Eradication Act by a 2 vote margin. This Act required the Martians, the only members with kick ass gadgets capable of annihilate the entire galaxy, and the Plutocrats, believers in diplomacy, to land on planet Earth and swiftly eradicate its gaseous problem. If the Plutocrats' diplomatic tactics proved insufficient the Martians were authorized to take over and wipe out the human race with their biological chemicals.

But the Jupitean Conglomerate threw their cloak into the debate. Fornicators and purveys of all things perverse, the Jupitean emissary stated "the time for diplomacy has long passed; there is no need for the Plutocrats in this battle. Reason must make way for much torture and physical dismemberment. That is good learning for underlings." He received a great deal of hoorahs from his own kind. The Mercurians, known far-seers, looked into the future and saw the true intent of the Jupiteans and it was decided that their debauchery must not be exported beyond the borders of Pasiphae and Sinope, Jupiter's outermost moons.

After a six hundred year stalemate, a coin toss decided who would accompany the Martians, whose place on the ship no one dared debate. The Saturnians, spiritually superior snobs, wanted no part of this "kick the Earthlings ass campaign"! So, it came as no surprise that they won the coin toss.

A few days later the IGA's convoy pointed their meteor like space craft towards their preferred landing pad on Earth, their pyramids at Manchu Pinchu, Peru. The whole operation hit a snug when, due to the Martians miscalculation of the earth's shift since their last visit, the convoy found itself descending upon a primitive tribe in the corn fields of Iowa, unleashing their entire cargo of biological chemicals. Needless to say, the disgruntled Saturnians were thoroughly unamused. Apparently the Martians had refused to ask for directions.

Current footage from Earth shows much vomiting and diarrhea. All things considered, the plan was half successful.

The Post-Coital Backslide into Friendship.

2010-07-11T00:10:00.000-07:00

Is it possible to ENJOY a passionate swapping of body fluids with another human being then swiftly regress back into the dark abyss of "just friends" where most never return?

If your answer is YES, then one of two things are true.
A) You are lying to the other human being or
B) You are lying to yourself.
Either way, you are a liar!

The swapping of body fluids is a very intimate experience. Think about it. You are taking INTO yourself fluids that have traveled through someone else entire body and been imprinted with their biological and psychological signature aka DNA. This "other" signature then merges with your own fluids to travel through your entire body altering, even if for just one nano second, your signature. That is deep. No pun intended.

Short of rape, it takes a great deal of mutual chemical stimulation and physical proximity to induce the disrobing process that allows for coitus. Both pairs of eyes must be aroused through optical stimulation, which in turn sends positive charges to the brains synapses alerting them to prepare for sexual warfare. The message gets adrenaline flowing as the heart gets over eager pumping at xxx bpm with anticipation.

Overwhelmed with euphoria, blood is expelled from the kardia traveling to the reproduction organs tenderizing the nerve endings that will be on the frontlines of the battle. The nerve endings, pregnant with blood and bursting at the linings, beg for release and nature takes over to provide repose. Disrobing quickly follows in an attempt to alleviate the sudden increase in body temperatures. The feminine legs involuntarily part to present the labia-guarded-cool-oasis that is the vagina to the overheated, taut and throbbing penis. Coitus!

So how one can believe oneself as having successful backslid from that coital experience into the black hole of “just friends” in under an hour is beyond me.

Self-deception is an annoying habit. Break it!

Sex and the City 2 - a manolo blahnik kick in the groin

2010-07-10T22:24:00.001-07:00

I watched Sex and the City 2 a couple of weeks ago and I must say it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, though it was sillier than I thought it would be.

Why don’t I just skip over the opening ten minute of gay nuptials that included a strange gay chorus belting only-God-knows-what and a stranger than strange Beyonce aka "Single Ladies" homage by Liza Minnelli (seriously, I didn't think she was going to make it. I mean, it was touch and go there for a minute.) In fact, why don't I just skip EVERYTHING that happened in New York; Carrie bored at home, the nanny with the pointy boobs, Miranda taking forever to realize her boss is a sexist, Carrie threatened by another woman, Samantha self medicating into hyper-horniness, Carrie bored at home yet again, take out food, Charlotte paranoid about the nanny with the pointy boobs, the TV in the bedroom, you get the drift, FLUFF.

Let’s start in Abu Dhabi where things got a little interesting for me. Here we were in Abu Dabi, capital of the Emirates and the cultural contradictions were coming at you like a sprinter with gas to a toilet. The first fifteen minutes were a political activists wet dream; the sexily glad Western women juxtaposed with the *abaya covered Arab women. The poor immigrant servants spending months away from the families juxtaposed with the spoiled wealthy Western tourists who forget to dismiss them for the night. The liberated and outspoken “I am woman!” gals of New York juxtaposed with the “rigid and repressed” Emirates women whose husbands cover their eyes to protect them from western debauchery. I was SUPER exited to see this. Sex and the City ACTUALLY liberated its emasculated balls and ejaculated something other than opulence: clothes, cars, wealth, sex, gorgeous guys, all were in obscene supply by the way.

Then came the huge street battle thanks to Samantha and her oversexed self and the ladies in the abayas came to the rescue, shuffling our sisters into a store front or backroom, not quite sure which but it was pretty quaint. I thought here we go, a moment of shared sisterhood. What, if anything in the way of wisdom, would the Emirate sisters impart to our 4 gals from the city? What followed made my jaw hit the floor.

Here, when Carrie need to understand something about boredom and married, when Miranda was learning to stand up for herself, when Charlotte was learning that motherhood is not a veil that covers the rest of a woman’s life, when Samantha was learning that her vagina is not a commodity on the stock exchange, what did the director choose to do? He reduced the Emirate sisters to their under garments! Yes, people. The movie did a two-step, flipped over and stood on its head. The near lynching outside was forgotten, because after all that material is too heavy for the American audience to lift. It turned into fast food all the way as the ladies revealed that underneath the sweat black cloak they each one a part of the fall collection. Who cares what they were concealing this was a film women discovering themselves and walking in that discovery.

But the bigger question here was why? Did Sex and the City producers realize that by showing all these contradictions they were biting off more than they could chew? Or was it the realization that their audience probably didn’t want to deal with the material? I think the latter, so they gave us a comfortable end.

That said, when you really think about it, there was NO reason whatsoever that this film had to be in Abu Dhabi. If they had addressed the contradictions yes, but the location in no way moved the story forward. All the shit, including Hayden’s kiss could have gone down in death-valley or New Mexico for all we care.

* I will take this moment to say this. Compared to other Arab nations, Abu Dahbi’s dress code for women is pretty “lax”. But the reason I find this worth mentioning is because it is the producers of this film who made this an issue by having the lead, Carrie fixate on and make commentary about a woman in an abaya. Then they failed to give the subject the respect it deserved and simply swept it under the rug and ran out of the room. Simplify: If you can’t handle a subject matter, then don’t introduce it in your film at all.

Please set your bible off my uterus.

2010-04-21T22:02:00.000-07:00

READ THE INSANE LINK FIRST:

http://www.bmei.org/jbem/volume5/num3/mccolley_a_response_to_baby_making.pdf

MY RESPONSE TO THIS SHENANIGANS?

I did not even finish reading this mess!

Look, wayyyy back in the day marriage consisted of the scrotum holder's father sending out a slave, probably a negro thanks to Noah, to the village of a distant relative for the sole purpose of procuring a wife for his son. Upon arrival, whichever uterine bearer got to the well first and offered the goggling stranger a drink of water and some for his camel was gathered off to meet the man she would marry. Upon arrival at future home, eyes would lock and the intended scrotum holder would whisk, the now betrothed uterine bearer away to his tent made of camel hide and proceed to awkwardly maneuver his penis into her vagina until he had successfully slayed the hymen. The said uterine bearer would never be referred to again unless she did something un-biblical like say I don't know, throw sheep's wool over the shoulder of her younger son so he could get his father's blessing, a blessing that was intended for her older Esau.

Fast forward to now, most fathers are either physically or emotionally absent meaning no one is sending out the negro, meaning no uterine bearer is at the well, in fact, a uterine bearer can't find the damn well since Haliburton done paved over the damn thing with the uterine bearer's taxes and erected a shopping mall instead. Since there is no well, all the camels are dead and the negro is riding a beat up 64 that the uterine bearer will not look at twice. Furthermore, upon arrival, the negro might want to mount the uterine bearer himself and thus defiling her, making her unworthy for the master's son. Meaning, the scrotum holder has to adjust to the uterine bearer absence by buying dolls with open mouths or memberships to naked lady sites, and the uterine bearer has to freeze her eggs coz she doesn't know when the tube of vaseline will run out so the scrotum holder can come out and fertilizer them. That is the reality of today.

So freeze them eggs uterine bearer coz the scrotum holder might have an extra tube of vaseline ready and waiting. And the only people allowed to comment on your decision are those who actively participated in your fruitless search to find a mate.

A Revelation on The Book of Revelation

2010-04-13T13:33:00.001-07:00

Holy Rollers often shake with orgasmic- opps- rapture like anticipation, while heathens piss their pants in fear at the mere mention of The Book of Revelation. All this in response to the content of this book which most perceive as a post-it on things to come and few as the doodling of a psychotic. But I have come to look at this book for an entirely new perspective. A perspective largely based on its placing in the bible.

When one reads, looks, browses or hears Biblical content one realizes pretty much after the Garden of Eden debacle, that Parental disappointment and offspring redemption are a foot. The Hebrews and/or mankind are doomed to spend the length of the remaining 65 3/4 books trying to make Dad proud of them/us again. This is clearly a case of art imitating life for anyone from a dysfunctional family where children are forever trying to win parental approval.

In the Bible, the Hebrews wade through the Red Sea after spending centuries as slaves in Egypt only to be smote on Mt. Sinai for worshipping a calf. They then proceed to wander aimlessly in the desert for forty years only to meet the Philistines en-route to the promised land. From Judges to Malachi it is an endless tale of destruction, battles, curses and divine disappointment. After years of just being human and failed attempts at quelling the daddy complex hope springs eternal with the New Testament Gospel's presentation of the great liberator, the Christ, who is swiftly crucified because of a misunderstanding of the Messiah’s job description. Off we head into the Acts of the Apostles where martyrs and massacres by deranged Cesar abound. Let me stop here and bust your Anti-Christ bubble with this fact: Based on the alphanumeric nature of ancient languages 666 is not numbers but letters to a name. And it spells the name Cesar Nero. So to all the Adolf Hitler or Ronald Regan or Barack Obama accusers, you are all wrong.

Moving on. So, we are created, we sin, some of us are smooted, the rest sent away to wander the desert where they are dispersed into the four corners of the wind, crying as they march from their ancestral homelands into a life of subjugation by the Romans, only to have their hope dashed when the much prophesied Messiah shows up and refuse to fight. He leaves behind some words of wisdom as he floats up in a cloud only to return long enough to blind one of their most dedicated persecutors who ends up being the most prolific of the bible Dos and Don’ts writers. And just so you do not forget the seriousness of the human fall laid out in the 65 books or the need for redemption or the importance of the Messiah’s sacrifice, the book ends with a warning -The Book Of Revelation aka "If you dare trivialize the importance of getting Daddy’s favor or the sacrifice of His son you will be eternally smote in a lake of burning lava, so GET TO GENUFLECTING!!!" {Genuflect – to lower one’s body briefly by bending one knee to the ground, typically in worship or as a sign of respect e.g. she genuflected and crossed herself. There is a double-entendre if I ever saw one. (Double-entendre – a word or phrase open to two interpretations, one which is usually risqué or indecent)}.

Why has no one ever asked this one question - Why is The Book of Revelation the last book? I mean, that is a seriously loaded question which opens up the veritable Pandora's box (not the planet in Avatar, that was a good place, a special place). If you look at if from that perspective you realize that the Book Of Revelation is not a period at the end of this longwinded sentence but a bold exclamation mark. Its contents scare you into believing everything you have just read and forces you to take the preceding pages VERY seriously. If you fail to see this, you fail to see the entire genius of this book. The placing of The Book of Revelation at the end of the bible is proof it is a collection of writings designed by man to control man because it plays on man’s psyche perfectly.

There is no difference between this book and say an African folktale or a threatening email chain. They all leave the profound, “if you don’t do this then this terrible thing will happen to you” consequential message for the end. If you do not accept Jesus as Lord and Savior and be in right standing with God the Father you will still have your clothes on at the rapture. Yes, you will not be one of the lucky, naked few floating past the earth’s exosphere with their particulars chilling (double entendre) in the wind. You, my dear, will be left behind to gnash your teeth and contend with the Anti-Christ for 100 years and if you succeed, Jesus just might recognize you at heaven’s gates. Of course if you are a Jehovah’s Witness you are buying into an even more confusing tale seeing as only 144,000 will make it into heaven. The remaining 6,856,000? They will be stroking baby lions in the new earth. I won’t even touch the Mormons. Coming to think of it, until the 1978 they wouldn’t have touched me either.

AVATAR: Happily Ever After...hmmmm maybe not.

2010-03-25T12:40:00.001-07:00

Sitting at a desk on a TV lot waiting for the rest of my life to catch up I reached over for the Daily Variety to alleviate my boredom. On the front cover was a picture from the movie Avatar with Jake’s Avatar riding a banshee while holding a serious looking machine-gun. This picture is worth a thousand words. In its simplicity, it depicts the future of the Navi people.

Almost three hours into the film the humans are deported off the planet but did anyone notice them leaving with their equipment? No, meaning those materials have been left behind. This billion dollar tale more than celebrates the love of nature over material it also brings to light the age old predicament faced by indigenous people the world over, the introduction of violent modern technology into their “backward” world. But weapons are not all that was left behind, the invasion and threat posed by the humans also unleashed a new level of rage among the indigenous Navi people. So now the indigenous population is not only pissed off but they also have access to deadlier weapons of precise destruction.

It is undeniable that something inevitable happens to the indigenous person when their way of live is threatened. Their desire to survive is awakened. And since their way is often violently threatened by those who are technologically superior, the indigenous have to quickly learn their enemy’s art of war in order to maintain their way of life. Their response too must be violent. In that one act, that one response to aggression, they regress into the very thing they fight.

So tell me, once the invaders leave how will the indigenous curb this new level of rage secreted within their soul or fight the temptation to use these new weapons if threaten again? Does having the marine fall in love with the Princess while fucking the tribe seem like a viable solution? Not for the tribe, they are still fucked, and only the Princess and Marines are enjoying it. See, transforming the “civilized marine” into the way of the “uncivilized Navi” elevates the marine by subduing his need for aggression. But by exposing the Navi to the ways of the marine, in some ways you have relegated the Navi by creating a wound of regression.

Once the credits roll, we need to think beyond the victory of the Navi. We need to ponder what conquering indigenous, “backward” peoples with technologically advanced weapons means to the human species? A look back at our history will provide the answers. What did the introduction of guns mean to the indigenous peoples of Africa? In summary, an increase in the slave trade, colonialism, brutal long civil wars, dictatorships, rapes, famine, death and destruction etc. What did they mean to the Native peoples of the Americas? If you can find one, ask them for me.

It is easy to romanticize or long for Pandora, easy to celebrate the Navi prior to the battle, but will the Navi and Pandora ever be the same after its encounter with humans? Does the realization that there are those who wish to destroy the tranquility they hold dear make the Navi more suspicious, less welcoming and thereby less Navi? Isn’t that the transformation that took place in the hearts of the Native peoples of the Americas? An Indigenous person, no matter how noble a savage, is eventually transformed by the forces that cross his/her path. In the case of the Navi, the forces were violent and materialistic. After the loss they suffered and the weapons they learned to use, the Navi will forever be struggling with the more violent nature awoken in them.

So, for those people out there contemplating suicide because Pandora is unattainable, all I can say is if you are a “civilized mind”, you make Pandora unattainable.

Sex and the City - a backhanded assault

2010-01-29T10:39:00.000-08:00

So I find myself meditating on the phenomenon that is Sex and the City. Whereas I love the Carrie Bradshaw character I feel women are too carried away by the adorable charm that drapes perfectly over her proliferating idiocy. Why, after almost a decade of its existence do I choose now to comment on this slice of Americana? Because I am bored and boredom stimulates my need-to-offer a critique on popular culture.

I will admit to being a fan of the "sisterhood" idea that the show promotes, even though it is widely known that women are their own worst enemies. But what I am not a fan of is these women's misperceptions, interactions and expectations of themselves in relationship to men. Their lack of self-esteem is so thinly camouflaged with success, fashion or sex and their low sense of self-worth is best exemplified in Carrie's choice of a suitable mate. The very idea that a Mr. Big is worth more than an Aidan paints this woman with a "sand castle in the sky" hue. In this Carrie reality women are prone to putting emotion over reason and cents over common sense.

But by far the most damaging effect of this poor assessment of the female psyche is Carrie’s depiction of that age old belief that if a woman loves a bad boy long enough she can "CHANGE" him. It may take ten years, make you the “other woman” and cost you the love of a better man but it is more important to “CONQUER” the one that got away than being with the one who loves you. [When I speak of love I speak of acts not feelings.]

You want to know why good guys finish last? Coz this is what good girls are watching. I hope that the female's self perception is not too coloured but what straight men "want" from women or how gay men "see" women?

The Inevitable Expression of Human Duality

2010-01-05T11:38:00.000-08:00

There is a syndrome rampant in modern America that is slowly spreading throughout Christiandom, the deification of men. Too often an athlete, entertainer or political figure exuding excellence in their field finds himself augmented to the post of a demi-god where all perfection is expected and all imperfections, part of the nature and character of man, dejected. The elevators erase from the demi-god any and all traces of "fault", thereby denying the demi-god permission to their own humanness. Instead of embracing the dual wholeness of one-self, the demi-god either feels shame from autophobia or arrogance from narcissism.

But what must be understood is that man's true character cannot be denied and will find a way to express the duality of its nature. Virtues will be expressed and vices will fight repression. Sooner of later the demons hidden behind the thin veil of perfection, in the presence of ample temptation, will be illuminated. All that will be needed is the right catalyst to bring about the diametric opposite of the celebrated virtuous one.

This is the story of Tiger Woods and all others who have been judged before and after him. No man is perfect. All men must be allowed to express the entire spectrum of their humanness. Thanks to Pandora or Eve, women seem to garner more interesting responses when their "wickedness" surfaces. In some cases her downfall augments her sex appeal. In others, she becomes the damsel in need of rescue, judged harshly only by those who do not understand the "fragile" nature of the weaker sex. This too is laughable and a slight to the beauty in the duality of human nature.

RAP

2010-01-03T00:58:00.000-08:00

Race - why doesn't anyone bother to ask why we use the word “race” to identify humans when the term basically connotes competition?

American Dream - why “dream” when the very word conjures the unattainable? I dream that I float through space sans space suit but the law of gravity and my need of oxygen let me know that will never happen.

Political Correctness - isn’t this nothing more than politically endorsed, self-censorship and thereby a violation of the First Amendment?

Scramble for my uterus!

2009-11-24T15:40:00.000-08:00

I must admit that last night I was dumbfounded when I realized that there is a scramble for my uterus. Here I was going through life minding my own business when suddenly I found myself bombarded by members of the opposite gender looking to settle down and whip out a couple or two from my uterus.

Unbeknowst to them and myself, something was churning inside me and changing my entire perspective and outlook on this thing called matrimony. Since my last blog, I am still unsure as to why people get married and I find my heart straying from that sort of ideal. What's even more haunting is I find myself withdrawing from the thought of bursting my uterus open to bring forth offsprings into this beautiful planet of ours.

What happened to me? I woke up and realized that I have something worthwhile. So to all the women out there, please, understand that you have been given the power to bring forth life. Do not take that lightly or think that owning a puppy is a test run. It was a serious jolt to my lowering self-esteem when it dawned on me that I am the cradle wherein my offspring will lie. That is a thing of honor.

I am not advocating that one be a recluse, I'm certainly not. What I am saying is do not allow yourself to be guilted into a relationship. Don't let your Mama do it, don't let Daddy do it. Don't listen to big sis coz when your heart gets broken she's the first one to say "I never liked him away". And please, DO NOT listen to your biological clock. Take that bitch to the clockmaker and kick back with a margarita.

Fear

2009-11-24T15:22:00.000-08:00

I fear no man

Your threatening words are but sounds that history will forget

Your harsh blows against my skin will be erased with age

Even the bones broken within will mend with time

That which I fear goes deeper than any man can touch

For I only fear my own capacity to incapacitate myself

FREE MARKET

2009-11-24T14:30:00.000-08:00

Oxymorons that make you go hmm..

What exactly is a Free Market? Well, lets break it down.

Free - Unrestricted

Unrestricted - No charge

Charge - price asked for

Price - amount of money for which a thing is bought or sold

Free = NO PRICE

Market - Place for sale

Sale - exchange of commodity for a price

Market = A PRICE

In essence, the free market ideology is a price system promoted as having no price.

I guess this explains the severe seizures and subsequent ex-sanguination in the manufacturing sectors of developing countries after a large dose of free market is injected into the veins of their infantile economies, an act commonly referred to as Infanticide.

Some kind of suicide

2009-11-24T14:28:00.000-08:00

At night, I rise and go up to my roof. It is cold and I am naked. I raise my arms and embrace the moon before I jump. Always before I jump into the clear blue swimming pool with he surface lights reflected on the floor. I dance through beads of sapphires and diamonds, ivory marble caressing my ebony shell. It is cold and I long for warmth. The night air sweeps across my open back and I let myself sink into the abyss. The very life in me is snuffed out and tender longings that embraced my heart seem no more than whispers in the wind.

Promises that were made by men of low virtue a long time ago break free from my heart, freeing my soul. I inhale the breath of this death in my quest for life and hope that God will count my tears. This is the end of the beginning of the end. All efforts to remain sane are cast into the waters of uncertainty. Lets see what gift fortune drifts my way.

Pre-Medicated Shenanigans aka PMS

2009-11-23T19:20:00.000-08:00

The thing about PMS is that it stirs up all those emotions safely submerged under the weight of common sense and rationale. These emotions can sometimes be so overwhelming that they put an otherwise sane female in insane and potentially life threatening situations.

PMS eradicates all sense of shame and throws pride under the bus, making this is a very delicate period-- ahh-- phase in the feminine life cycle. It is the cause of much ridicule, commercial time and medication. I would not be surprised to find that Eve was in a PMS choke hold when the serpent struck.

With PMS EVERYTHING is augmented. Suspicion becomes paranoia, indecision becomes schizophrenia, forgetting becomes dementia, sadness becomes depression, and rejection becomes emotional trauma. For up to fourteen days, life is a sequence of interpersonal maladjustments.

But PMS does more than lead to random acts of hormonal violence. It is also a very powerful part of the feminine process. At this point every month we truly FEEL our unadulterated, uncontrolled and uncensored raw emotions. I mean, we feel so powerfully we need to self medicate.

I forget where I was going with this....shit! Dementia.

Spare The Gun and Spoil The Child.

2009-11-23T15:31:00.000-08:00

The call for any new generation is the need for self-identification. This generation, so inundated with information, has had its entire ‘thought’ process tossed out the window with all remnants of human virtue. Seriously, we are raising self seeking children who have absolutely no respect for their elders because the government has stripped their parents of every form of parental authority. We are allowed to give birth to them and send them off to die in meaningless wars but we are not allowed to discipline them in a manner befitting their actions. So basically, we can’t spank them but the government gets to kill them!

The Neo-Middle Passage

2009-11-22T15:27:00.000-08:00

I just had a profound and yet disturbing thought. College, my friends, is the new middle passage. Here is where they finally break that “adolescent” yearning for autonomy and individuality by sending you to an institution of YOUR choice, to pick the industry YOU would prefer being enslaved by. But giving YOU the choice is nothing more than a jedi mind trick so you get to bare the blame when you realize your life sucks. After all YOU made the choice - in a system that actually has no choices. Whoever designed this system are geniuses.

The kicker is that they got you to believe the system has a choice so you can feel some sense of power and authorship over your life. But let me ask you this, did you ever consider living in the jungle? See, if we really HAD a choice the jungle would have been a viable option after high school. And, to make sure you never change your mind and actually head off to the jungle they issue you your first CREDIT CARD. Yay, now you are really screwed!

But look on the bright side, you have a college degree and boy are you proud of it. You worked hard for that Doctorate in Bulls*#t and Masters in Hogwash. 18 credits per semester, 6 months as an intern (unpaid slave “paying” their dues), 2 years of residency and 3 attempts at the bar exam. Nose tipped up to the world, a piece of paper hanging on the wall of your $1,250/month studio apartment, you proclaim “I am a college graduate, dammit!” But the truth behind your words is that you are now qualified to regurgitate the thoughts and ideas of the puppet masters.

All this has got me mightily pissed! I am an artist, but from 9am - 5pm I am looking over invoices and purchase orders just to pay my bills. By the time the evening bell tolls I’m too tired to be of any use to MYSELF. And that is the point of the system, to get us so exhausted that we can’t think beyond the system. We are so busy toiling, our spirits broken to the point where TiVo is our only fix. I mean, you can’t go a day without your favourite show. They pull on those heart strings and get you to feel because you have to be numb all day to swallow the lie of the system. Everything, everything has been set up for us to believe that this is how it should be, that this is life. F*$# THAT!!

Adult Vs Youth

2009-11-22T15:25:00.000-08:00

As a teenager (which can extend to the age of 30) life is all about dealing with the undulation of hormones manifested as either a severe outbreak of acne or complete malcontent with society. Everything hinges on the immediate reaction, decision, premonition, intuition, preposition, imposition and any other *ion you can think of.

As an adult (which can begin as late as the age of 40) you learn to leave well enough alone. Acne is but a heat rush easily covered up by any 0.5% salicylic acid containing concealer. The world will still suck tomorrow so why worry about it today? And all the *ions are ignored in lieu of a quiet night, a good movie and someone you love.

Beddings

2009-11-22T15:11:00.000-08:00

Why do we make our beds?

1) Because it is the right thing to do.

2) Because Mama said so.

3) Because it looks nice and clean.

Okay, but think about this; you just spent eight hours within those sheets. Skin, sweat and flatulence particles are probably hanging on to the sheets for dear life. Is it not wiser to air out the bed instead of making it? Just wondering.

No Trespassing!

2009-11-21T21:41:00.000-08:00

Today I picked up some twigs

and I watched a fourteen year old boy

fumble barefoot over the hot pavement.

It was windy

He was trespassing

Good Sex

2009-11-21T17:45:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been at the threshold of fulfillment, at that point where satisfaction was inevitable and you longed to stay there for just one second? Oh, the pleasure that comes with the realization that the person inside you, the woman engulfing you knows EXACTLY what it takes to bring you to the door of heaven (to quote a cliché). There is much to be said about good sex but more about a good sex partner. And by good partner I mean a playmate who takes the time to distinguish between who you think you are and who you really are. Basically, one who helps you unlock the nymph inside you.

See, too many people are deceived by first impressions which, in my opinion, are nothing more than external projections of an internal need for self-protection. First impressions cannot portray the whole nature of a person, yet we try to maintain these false identities in intimate relationships. Basing ones understanding of a partner on that first impression is self-delusion at best. Everyone knows that making a good first impression, not necessarily an honest one, increases your chances of getting what you want. Meaning that in that initial contact you intention is not to be known or to know the other person, but to get something from them that will fulfill that longing within you. This leaves both parties deceived and deceiving. This impression is almost impossible to maintain because it is you off balance.

But life has a way of restoring balance, doesn't it? In little over 6 months the whole you begins to emerge out of its forced hibernation, unless of course you are a sociopath then 6 hours is your limit. The curtain is pulled back and the partner realizes that he/she does not really know you. All those logical questions that were stored away to make room for self-deception leap into the forefront of the medula oblangata and maximum pissery ensues. What was once cute is now an impetus for every fight. The late nights at the office, once symptoms of an industrious and ambitious nature are now seen as signs of stolen moments of infidelity with Tabitha the intern. The little snore right before she falls asleep, once looked upon as a cute trait is now scorned as an upper-lip-hair-like unfeminine quality.

At this point we can safely say the relationship is on a downward spiral unless you reveal who you really are. It is never too late to introduce your mate to the freak within. "Hey Heather, how about some hot wax and mittens?" Sure, she may be shocked at first but give her time to sit with the idea. She may surprise you. Or "hey Adam, can you bend over? I'd like to see if this fits." Yup, expect him to be a bit suspicious and slightly apprehensive but if you keep whispering sweet nothings in his ears, he is bound to break. If that doesn't do the trick, nothing works better than nagging. Now, in revealing yourself you might get rejected, but that is a cheap price to pay for self-actualization. If they call you a freak, move on. It is better to be alone than in the company of someone who wants you to hide who you are or who you don't trust enough to fully express yourself.

As for the sociopaths out there, please, keep your true selves to yourselves.

Keep Your Head

2009-11-21T16:11:00.000-08:00

Do you realize how self centered it is to be so emotionally invested in fighting my ideas as if my opinions have something to do with you personally. My opinion is mine and I will have it whether you like it or not just as you will have yours whether I like it or not. My point of view takes nothing away from you. Your opinion is yours and YOU get to keep it. I celebrate that.

This is merely a Dialogue - an exchange of ideas.

Exchange - barter, swap.

You can only exchange things that are different otherwise there would be no need for an exchange now would there?

Please, breathe…it’s not that deep.

People In Time

2009-11-21T16:01:00.001-08:00

He puts down his empty cup of coffee, hesitates and gets up from where he sits. From his tattered coat pocket, he pulls out some coins and lays them neatly on the table. Shameful, and afraid, he looks around at the blank faces looking back at him. He is a man from a time long gone by. Head down, he walks to the corner of the door and stares out at the rain pounding upon the earth. It is a merciless day, and he knows this. He pulls out his dirty, ragged gloves and slips them slowly over his callous hands. It was a long day. The wind sipping through the partial opened door parts his coat edges, revealing his soiled breeches. He is alone in this world of loneliness.

He steps out into the rain no umbrella to shield him, the eyes still staring at this man from a time long gone by. His legs are heavy with toil, his hands hidden in the hole-ridden pockets. No one sees the tear through the rain, no one sees the pain through the shame. Head bowed low, he walks on, alone. He stumbles to the ground, his face crashing on the harsh pavement, the cement rough upon his skin. Upon this place tears, rain, earth and blood mate in this interplay of life.

And the little girl smiles, the joy sipping through her stained teeth. The eyes stare at this man from a time long gone by. She stands upon shoeless feet, soaking in the pouring rain. With the innocence of angels she holds out her hand to him. The feeble arms of youth anchor his weary feet. The callous hand rests upon her head and strokes her hair. More love than either of them have known. He continues on to his journey to nowhere, she moves on to her path of death.

The eyes still stare at this man from a time long gone by. She stares at this man of the times. And the rain pours, still.

The Lost Art of Courtesy

2009-11-21T15:49:00.000-08:00

After the overwhelming feeling of committing murder subsided I wondered why it was so easy to envision bringing another person’s life to a swift end. Then I realized that deep down I didn’t really feel this person worthy of my time. Some where in me courtesy had taken over and found itself constantly fighting feelings of loathing towards this person. And that made me wonder, if we never needed anyone else, if man was inherently asexual, would we care to love? Would we care enough to indulge the ridiculous whims of those we claim to live for?

Apart from that, do we really need or have we be conditioned to believe that we do? I mean, a child who grows up seeing nothing but humans kissing and mating grows up believing it to be the norm. With equal certainty, a child who grows up with the opposite becomes the opposite, making us nothing more than a reflection of that which we see everyday. But if you start from the point where that which is seen is not necessarily true then we are clearly fucked! Coz heaven forbid if the John Wayne Gasey’s of the world are actually natures possibility and not the alternative.

What does this have to do with the lost art of courtesy? Nothing, but isn’t this a far better topic of discussion than the demise of chivalry?

How I Found God In Surrender

2009-11-21T15:46:00.000-08:00

An empty heart is the most filled for it is in this nothingness that all is allowed to be. Here, in the breath of death, is life unimaginable for all things tangible and factual are lost and reason has no room. Here, in this place that only the soul can whisper truth, is the eternal and ever powerful breath of God. Here, after my heart has cried its last and first tear, I can sit in an emptiness where pain and joy collided to teach me something more painful than joy and more joyful than pain. Here, nothing is mention and all is. Here, all is allowed to exist and all is neither good nor bad. Here, in the place of surrender, I am honored to touch the heart of God. Here, in this place of surrender I watch the earth in play, I watch you and I pass each other. Here, in surrender I watch time fade and present be. Here, nothing is and all is. Here, all is because I am. Here, I am taking a walk. Here, I learned that without surrender comes ownership and with that comes suffering.

It is in this place of blissful surrender that all things are allowed to flow through me for I have found my place in the grand plan of the universe. In this place of complete surrender I am so immersed in Godness that God neither ends nor I begin. We flow as one and I become the vessel for the spirit. It is in this place of surrender that all needs to control break in the wind and all is dialogue of being. I converse with the wind and give it room to be just as I am. It is in this spirit dialogue that I commune with pain and watch it be through me without judgment. It is in this place of surrender that anger is and joy is and all is because CHANGE is. In this state of complete wakefulness, possession dies, joy is surrendered, pain is surrendered and there is no more need to own anything.

Surrender. Surrender. Surrender. Surrender. Surrender. Surrender. Surrender. How does it look? It is being in a state of wholeness by having nothing. To be wholy empty is to be. To give back to the force that is the core of all things. To notice that which is passing through, to have a dialogue allowing it to be and then watch it bring clarity. Judging nothing leaves me unjudged.

Abstinence

2009-11-21T15:30:00.000-08:00

Please do not take this diatribe as a self righteous critique on your sexual patterns or read so deep into it as to assume that it is a consequence of failed relationships, bitterness or any other symptom of ‘bitter woman” syndrome. Not that it is anyone’s business why I do what I do, or don’t, but I practice abstinence. Anyway, I say all this to say that there is a generation of women out there nurturing and lying to a whole lot of lousy male lovers and frankly I’m tired of ending up in bed with these men. Men who flex their otherwise flaccid biceps and profess cockily (pan intended) their ability to provided multiple orgasms. How is this even possible when you don’t even know where to stick it? So, until women learn to be honest to men, I’m just not having sex.

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I neither practice abstinence nor whore about town. Seriously, my boyfriend would kill me if any word about this got out.

Native Juicies

2009-11-21T15:24:00.001-08:00

There is something to be said about engaging in the consumption of native juices. Something about the exotic completely stimulates and titillates the senses. No, I do not speak of wild berries in the Amazon or nuts roasted in the Congo. I speak of something more sublime and sensual, human juices.

The inhalation of native body fluids through the various coital configurations is man at his most inquisitive. This endeavor, over and under unchartered bodies, does more than just satisfy our carnal desires. Through the age-old law of survival of the fittest; it ensures the continual evolution of mankind by infusing the best of both races into a single organism.

Never marry someone if you have a moment of hesitation. Why? Because you might be suffering from a bout of malaria or have never sampled native juices. Something about native juices gets a person TO!!! Turned out.

Hollyweird

2009-11-21T15:21:00.001-08:00

Even though I love my job I have no illusions about it and make no excuses for its shortcomings. Like the mother with the morbidly obese child she regretfully checks into fat camp, I struggle with this profession.

See, I work in an industry that caters to pubescent boys who equate masturbating to barely-soft porn or mind f****ing their Nintendo Wiis to a productive day. This industry’s dick gets wet every time a fourteen year old turns fifteen because of the numbers this age bracket brings in. Inevitably, art becomes the drugged out whore who breaks the awkward kid’s virginity for $11.50.

Why Care How Deep The Rabbit Hole Goes When The Rabbit Is Dead?

2009-11-21T15:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, I have literally just returned from a Town Hall Meeting in Sherman Oaks, CA. Well, if I am to be 100% honest let me call it what it was, a Town Hall Brawl. Most of the people in the room were north of 40 years old, white and male, but I figured I could take them. Hey, I have no problem dropkicking grandpa in self-defense.

Nose tipped and glad to be a Negro rep, I made my way towards the Performing Arts Center of some high school whose name I don't care to remember. It was not until I reached the steps that I realized I was heading in the direction of some shit. To step into or not to step into…hmmm tough choice. I decided to step and low and behold a skinny gentleman, probably Latino - but this being America he could be an amalgamation of any of the four major races - handed me a magazine with the face of Barack Obama adorned with a Hitler moustache. Yes, Papi had that much cajones! THEY figured a "minority" handing out controversial pamphlets about a "minority" president to other "minorities" is less likely to encounter a fist in face or foot in ass response because we are both "minorities". THEY were right. Don't you just hate it when THEY are right? See the way I saw it I had a bigger battle to fight so slugging it out with the idiot would have only affected MY credibility. I took the pamphlet, smiled and went inside.

The room was packed! I mean it was so packed people were sitting in the aisles and on the stage behind the Congressman. Once the floor was opened for questions the Old Western unruly cowboy mentality that pissed off every Clint Eastwood character from “A Fistful of Dollars” to “Unforgiven” reared its ugly head. The only differences were these guys were neither in a saloon nor inebriated. With the shoe-size attitude came shoe-size questions and reasoning. Logic was officially replaced with emotion and folks were throwing out the baby with the bath water. “Personal liberty”, a fundamental right that Americans clutch on to like bad teeth and braces was violated once every ten seconds. Anyone who asked a question that someone in the hall opposed was booed. Some folks were booed just for something to do. There were times when six people were talking at the same time one was confused as to whether they were assisting the Congressman answer the question asked or just suffering from a severe case of verbal diarrhea. I mean shit was everywhere and it stunk to high heaven.

Then came the true weakest link, the possible missing link between man and ape. This young man asked the one question that seems to have more lives than a cat, the President’s citizenship. Immigration 101 – If you are born in the United States or BORN TO A U.S. CITIZEN who meets certain requirements, YOU ARE BORN A U.S. CITIZEN! This information is not hard to find, just go here - http://travel.state.gov/law/info/info_609.html - like I did. Next question PLEASE! And not a moment too soon.

An angrier, older male made his way to the microphone and begun to read a speech attacking Barack Obama’s Healthcare Bill. HALT!!! If you missed it stop reading right now and delete my name from you page. Here is a video you should be very familiar with? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mEJL2Uuv-oQ. Let me summarize, when an issue such as Healthcare reaches critical mass (i.e. enough people are pissed off), a member of Congress or the President can decide to take on that issue and make legal changes. First, a committee is formed in Capitol Hill (Legislative Branch) to tackle the issue and they generate a bill. Once in agreement it moves to the HOR. If passed, it moves to the Senate. If passed, it gets to the President’s desk (Executive Branch). If he doesn’t like it, the bill gets a veto and the process begins all over again. If he likes it, it becomes law and the responsibility of the Executive Branch to enforce the law. Once a bill becomes law it is the job of courts (Judicial Branch) to make sure it is upheld. See how that works? The President does not generate bills he can only sign them into law. If you hate the direction a bill is heading…guess who you need to fire? Exactly, your Congressman or woman.

People, the answers are out there and easily accessible. There is no sense, literally, in getting emotionally wrapped up in the wrong information. You have to learn how the system works in order to fix the broken parts. Otherwise you might just pull out the bolt that’s holding this fucker together then what do you have? Stop choking on your own ignorance, it is an ugly way to die.

Oceanic Motions

2009-11-21T15:16:00.001-08:00

Guys, what is the motion of the ocean?

What does it mean?

And what is it supposed to represent?

Feminine Expectations

2009-11-21T15:08:00.000-08:00

CUT TO: INT BEDROOM, NIGHT

Peres: Oh! Oh Shit! That feels so good…What was that?

(beat)

Peres: @#$*!! Get the @#$*!! Off me.

Knickers are hauled across the room as the naked bloke runs out. It is very obvious that the sex did not meet the ladies expectation. Or did it exceed it?

Shut Up and Eat!

2009-11-21T15:04:00.001-08:00

I am naked,

Lying here.

The fork is in my mouth

He is still talking

Loving the sound of his voice.

He cannot hear me and I doubt he sees me.

I have been ready for him

Prime grilled New York steak cooked and served in a platinum platter.

Why is he not eating?

The peas are getting cold,

The potatoes are hard and inedible

And still he talks.

The sizzle is fading,

The countless nostrils inhale the mouth-watering kitchen freshness.

The thrill faded with the serving.

Masculinity

2009-11-21T14:58:00.000-08:00

Mom! Billy is playing with his pepe!

Voila!

Masculinity Defined

You

2009-11-21T14:39:00.001-08:00

Snowflake gently upon my nose

Sunshine warmly in my eyes

You.

Fuck me!

2009-11-21T14:36:00.000-08:00

I want to be wanted at a level that defies all human logic, to be touched with a wand of fire that keeps me forever nourished with the soup of love. I want graphic and explicit. I want someone to fuck me and leave me forever fucked!

Loneliness

2009-11-21T14:09:00.000-08:00

Here you are, left alone and forced to sit with your own loneliness accompanied only by your thoughts. What runs through your mind? What are those endless waves of passion and fear that circulate around your aura, transforming you from angel to psychopath in under 10 seconds? Your thoughts morph into fears and silent voices begin to ring a sick and twisted truth in your mind. These voices that claim to soothe remove you from the reality around you and the endless options of happiness.

Loneliness will rip you open and force you stare at your insides. You may not like what you see.

Foreboding

2009-11-21T10:34:00.000-08:00

It is easy to fight a demon you can see, but when that demon is yourself then the image is not all that clear. The rain is coming down with the wrath of God. The day seems ripe for a tragedy. I am waiting for one to happen. It seems that all day I have been gravitating towards a surreal and tragic end. That no matter the extent of my “happiness”, ultimately, at the end of the day, I will have to shed a tear. I will fold myself up like the child I am and call out to God to help with the loneliness killing me. This after I sent out a letter that read, “Dear T**, Tears can be the harmony of sad lyrics, or the melody of happiness. You choose the rhythms of your life. Love Peres.” I have come to realize that in this world, there are no rules to follow, no formulas, just people trying to make it from the why to the how.

To Be In

2009-11-21T10:16:00.000-08:00

I was loved once, or I was once the recipient of what I thought was undying love until it died. I will never again question the existence of death in the life of mortals because we die! Everything associated with man dies. Sure, a few fossils will remain for the aliens to probe, that is if they do not have enough information already, but most things will be consumed by death. Will anything ever remember the self- defeating; self-destructive species that once treaded the earth? Maybe, God knows the planet will be in such a state that we will be remembered as the prime example of “what you must NOT do to your home”. But, I digress. The topic was love.

To fall in love is to be slowly undressed. To stand before the glaring eyes of another and yell out loud and proud, while naked, “I am perfect. With my scars received from the battles of life, my warts handed down the family tree, and my extra weight gained from years of experience, I am your gift. I am the one that shall stand by your side when the whole world chooses to condemn you. I am the one who will fight your battles when you are weary. I am the one who will lie beside you when you die. I am the one who will sacrifice all that I am that you may be all that you want to be. I am the one who will stand behind you in times of glory. I am the only one you will not be indebted to. I am the one who will love you." This unwritten vow of love does not end hear, for the selfish nature of man is yet to play its part in this obvious tragedy.

In time, dreams will have been sacrificed and compromises will have been made. And just as love came out to play, so did hate. The eyes of the lovers eventually open and the truth of the nature of man is revealed. The battles begin and with them come pain. The walls that once held up the home begin to crumble as insults and judgements are traded back and forth. Eventually the weaker of the two backs out with tail tacked between the legs, head held high and the realization of self-imperfection weighing heavily on the chest. Truth dawns, this was not LOVE at all.

To be in love is to be in the company of the one person who takes a very close look at you and vomits at the sight of all your imperfections. Once the nausea passes they begin to see the beauty in you. Nothing you do could possibly surprise because they know you, they feel you, but they are not you. They will be the first to let you know when you are wrong. They will pick your ass up and throw you back in the fight when you are weary. They will keep your memories alive when you die. They will be all that they can be and support you in being all that you can be. They will stand beside you as your partner in times of glory and defeat. Your debts will cancel out because you value one another. In this honest union, the selfish nature of man is allowed to play its role, to allow for the humanness of the the lovers. What about the hate? That was expelled with the vomit.

That Gnawing Feeling

2009-11-21T10:06:00.000-08:00

My heart is empty. There once was a place inside me where gentleness and love resided and an internal peace held me a float. Somewhere along my path, it died and I can no longer get it back. It is a miserable life when you know that you do not love and are unable to. The power to relate to your brethren is lost and you do not feel an ounce of remorse. When you care for, sympathize with but do not love, the seed of basic human existence has ceased to develop. The flower that is life is slowly but surely withering away. The mere thought of spending time amongst the company of friends, enemies or anything with the vague semblance of a pulse is utterly revolting. I know now what I have become, a self-prophesying and self-glorifying recluse. The seed of love cannot grow within me anymore. I am scattered like pollen in the wind, having no place to nestle. I knew the feeling of love once. I held it in my hand. Funny thing is I know when and where I last saw it.

I Met A Man

2009-11-21T09:51:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I met a man who reeked of smoke and told me that the smog was death.

This man looked up and testified to all the world that wealth was sin.

I met a man who so high on alcohol he reeked of gin and hung by a thread.

This man I met had worn out shoes and a smile that spoke of life and loss.

I met a man who held out his hand and asked me to walk a mile in his shoes.

This man I met was loud and shameless and forced me to stand before myself.

I met a man who dreamed of life but lived in death.

This man I met, my brother, my father, my lover, my friend.

Yesterday, I met myself.

Childless Whisper

2009-11-21T09:48:00.000-08:00

I sometimes wonder whether it is my destiny to feed your child. I search within myself and ask whether he is for you to bring forth to test my ability to be human, my ability to prove that I am part of the world. Could it be that the journey of every man is to prove that he or she is worthy to be called the child of the higher spirit? Maybe in this world, where we are all in search of the meaning of life, the answers sit upon the breasts we beat in frustration.

His gift

2009-11-21T09:46:00.000-08:00

He touched me with his eyes, but loved me with his fist. This love that was so strong I felt run through out my body.

He felt me with his heart and spoke to me in anger. This heart that moved the mountains that shielded my eyes from the true pain.

He gave me all his soul and killed me in my sleep. This soul I looked into and saw the murder I can’t justify.

He gave me so much, when all I asked was that he just hold me.

Something Better

2009-11-21T09:33:00.000-08:00

I will slide back into the abyss of silence for when all is said and done, it is the only refuge I crave. Much can be learned from the deep feelings triggered by the plight of one's follow man. But much can also be lost when one sees oneself as the only solution. There is a yearning within every man, I believe, to find the answer to that which has thrown the human race into a state of complete and unnaturally natural alienation. What has pulled us away from the world and away from each other? As I eagerly await an answer I lay still in the darkness of human ignorance, unaware or conniving the fact that my brother will fight me when he has had enough. There has to be something better than this.

Anyway, the darkness will envelop me and I will gladly welcome it. Yet again I will indulge in a whim that will send me to bed in a fit of rage and self hate. Why? Because I am Catholic dammit and thereby raised to hate the very passions that make me a creation of the Divine. I dare not travel down that passionate road lest it leads to "wisdom" that can only be, in the Catholic religion, associated with the work of the devil. Allow me to digress for a minute, who says the devil rests at the bottom of the world? Do they have proof?

Do I really care to know the answer to this question?

Better yet, do you?

The Eyes

2009-11-21T09:22:00.000-08:00

I have looked into the eyes of an old man who crossed the borders of life to live a new lie.

A man who has learned to toil with the tears of this new dream of pain and blood.

I have looked at hands that are worn out with age, that have wiped tears that have hit the earth, that is their cursed mother.

I have watched and listened to the moans of a woman giving birth at the way side to a child who will never live to see the new age.

I have seen the soul of depression, the fear of regression and the myth that if one works hard enough, the Divine will bestow gifts at his door.

I have seen the look that is in the eyes, which are the keys to the souls of many who know the treasure that is food.

I have seen the truth of the brothers and sisters who have learned to live a life that is compounded with nothingness and emptiness.

These are the lives that we all fear

These are the eyes we turn away from,

the truth we run away from is that in those eyes we see ourself.

Loneliness

2009-11-21T08:50:00.000-08:00

It is an ill wind that rest upon my shoulders on this day Much of what I feel I can not describe and even though this bothers me, I do not wish to find a way to make it all coherent. I have been lost in the world of the pen where all contact with the real world is severed like the baby cut from its mother’s womb. I have felt tenderness in the absence of friends yet a mystic presence cradles me in its embrace, gently whispering that I am not alone. It tells me that I must relish in this pearl of silence and let nothing break the gift of loneness.

Do you hear that sound or is it merely the echo of my paranoia? I hear a sound so loud and unclear and I want, for a moment, to let myself dwell in its intensity. But I know that I must not, for a voice warned me that I was not to let anyone in. So I pound my head against the harshness of the cold wall and hope to God that tears my dark flesh and makes my soul bleed. This is a pleasure that can only be enjoyed by the few who know what it is like to find comfort in pain.

I sigh with the realization that this is a world with very little compassion. A world based on a fear so intense it has blinded us from the truth, that we are ONE. We are ALL wanting. Yet we look at the successful and scorn the weak, we love the children but hate the adults. Were we not ALL weak once? Were we not ALL children once? Did we not ALL play in the dirt and scrape our knees? When, where and how did we loose our youthful innocence?

I sigh once more with the fear that if I do not show some semblance of compassion for the bum at the corner, St. Paul will slam heavens gates at my face. And in that thought, I find the answer to a question I never asked. Religion, that is my culprit. The wandering stain that teaches us to fear who we are by putting our given power outside of ourselves. This fear that follows us everyday of our lives, regulating us like prisoners in an Island that we cannot leave, the Island of the self. Religion, Karl Marx says, is the opiate of the masses. I believe that not once in his wildest dreams did Mr. Marx think that his words of liberty would result in the world’s longest dramatic pause.

Democracy Dies

2009-11-20T16:09:00.000-08:00

Apathy and complacency are enmity to democracy. A system based on the people, for the people, by the people inevitably meets it’s demise when the people remain silent. Silent in fear, be it real or imagined.

In today's world there is silence between the lines of the newspapers, silence amidst the political pauses and silence in the channel surfing. There is always silence when nothing is questioned.

The Kenyan Girl -- Peres Owino

Blockbusterabation

GIRL WITH THE WHAT? Girl, please!

"Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome" by DR. JOY DEGRUY

DID YOU KNOW I HAVE A BOOK OUT?!! Xmas gift idea..

ALIENS DID NOT BUILD THE PYRAMIDS!!

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN TO THE RADIO INTERVIEW

Africans versus African Americans: Healing the sibling rivalry

Illegal Immigration as American as Apple Pie?

RAP

Strange Bedfellows

*sigh* African Stereotypes Ahead...oh dear

CONDOMS OR LOLLIPOPS

Till Death....

RED CLIFF

POLA X Y?

Jane Error! aka (Jane Eyre 2011 Film review)

WE, KENYANS DESERVE BETTER 2

WE, KENYANS DESERVE BETTER 1

Where In The World Is Egypt, Foxnews?

Going Home - The Day Before

Going home to Kenya after 15 years!!!

Clash Between Perversity and Mediocrity

Whores on Santa Monica Blvd.

Black Swan – Best Picture and Actress nomination? Not if I’m voting.

Los Angeles IS the city of angels.

TV vs INTERNET: Which is more dangerous?

What do you get from an arranged marriage?

CROSS POLLINATE

2010: All Reproductive Organs Mutually Represented

Post Natal Depression

Who is sitting on your exit row?

Palin, Lindsay and Castro, the consequence of inbreeding

The "Caucasian" creation myth.

The Catholic Church poisoning students?

Alcohol Induced Fornication Anyone? No?

EMPTY

Pre-Coital Agreement

Lets Talk About Sex

Steal Plantations

ON A TRUTH COLLISION

No More Fuckeries!!!!!!

The Post-Coital Backslide into Friendship.

Sex and the City 2 - a manolo blahnik kick in the groin

Please set your bible off my uterus.

A Revelation on The Book of Revelation

AVATAR: Happily Ever After...hmmmm maybe not.

Sex and the City - a backhanded assault

The Inevitable Expression of Human Duality

RAP

Scramble for my uterus!

Fear

FREE MARKET

Some kind of suicide

Pre-Medicated Shenanigans aka PMS

Spare The Gun and Spoil The Child.

The Neo-Middle Passage

Adult Vs Youth

Beddings

No Trespassing!

Good Sex

Keep Your Head

People In Time

The Lost Art of Courtesy

How I Found God In Surrender

Abstinence

Native Juicies

Hollyweird

Why Care How Deep The Rabbit Hole Goes When The Rabbit Is Dead?

Oceanic Motions

Feminine Expectations

Shut Up and Eat!

Masculinity

You

Fuck me!

Loneliness

Foreboding

To Be In

That Gnawing Feeling

I Met A Man

sigh African Stereotypes Ahead...oh dear