Saturday, December 31, 2011
Batman 1-4 REBOOT!!!! Dark Knight 1-3 [A Bat mobile by any other name..]
Captain America 1-2
GI Joe 1-2
Hulk 1 REBOOT!!!! Hulk 1 [Did someone stutter?...]
Iron Man 1-3
Karate Kid 1-3 REBOOOT!!!! Karate Kid [the black version, single mom included...]
Paranormal Activity 1-3
Superman 1-4. REBOOT!!! Superman 1-2 [Yawn]
Toy Story 1-3
Thor 1-2: [Guilty Pleasure. LOVED THIS ADAPTATION. The only grown ass man you could believe wears a cape, is the one who speaks a dead version of the English language, or another language all together. Why do you think we loved the Elves in LOTR? The Elven language made you buy the pointy ears..]
Ladies and gentlemen, this is blockbusterbation...the only ones really enjoying themselves are the studios cashing in and the voyeurs who insist on watching!
Now let’s jump the pond shall we, coz this problem is a pandemic!
Jane Eyre (19 versions) [Pedophilia is disturbing to watch...]
Pride and Prejudice (11 versions) [Zombie version coming soon to a theater near you..]
The Three Musketeers (21 versions) [One of these is animated with dogs and cats...]
I could go on but I have neither the time nor desire to list all the Austen, Dumas, Dickens and Bronte film adaptations that assault us every year....and I love the classics.
COPYCATS, because some are just too impatient to read subtitles, we get the "English" version of already great foreign movies.
Brothers (A Dutch remake)
Departed, The (A Japanese remake)
Girl with the Dragon Tatoo, The (A Swedish remake)
Let Me In (A Swedish remake)
Ring, The (A Japanese remake)
The list goes on and on....
The film industry's disastrous holding pattern is now trying to drown us in the Kitty Pool. When you dive in folks take care not to bump your head. It could leave a nasty bruise.
Hansel and Gretel
Once Upon A Time
Red Riding Hood
Snow White and the huntsman
*Beauty and the Beast [I am sure this is in the works at some major studio]
Twilight [This book, intended to promote celibacy, depicts the virgin teenage girl as the more sexual aggressive. Hmmm. And I wonder, how does a dead vampire with dead semen impregnate a living woman? And what woman wants to share their bed with a refrigerator? We are already cold at night already!]
Folks, we are stuck on stupid and someone keeps pressing the rewind button keeping us in a loop!
Last night I was accosted at the movie theater --- BOOM! TWAFF! TING! TUNG! THWACK! TACK! PING! PING! PING! Sensory overload.
Apparently rape was the theme of David Fincher’s GWTDT ! The opening was something you would expect on Tyra Banks’ America’s Next Top Model. Black oil slithering and pouring over white skin with weirdness…random acts of weirdness and I was lost. The book is Swedish. What about this opening was going to put me in Sweden or the story? The TONE was OFF from the first note!
Rooney Mara is about as interesting as watching paint dry and she's the lead.
And why the FUCK was Daniel Craig the only lazy actor on set? Everyone else seemed to be managing a Swedish accent except him. We are beyond blanketing the whole of Europe with a British Accent. Even Robin Wright who looked like a folded piece of leather brought a descent accent with her. So, Lisbeth was raped, she revenged, I walked out and didn’t look back.
This is Fincher having a total lack of respect for other artists. The original, SUBTITLED version was 100% better. WATCH THE ORIGINAL. Let's fund other voices.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
I recalled being at a local school parent's meeting where I overheard a conversation occurring between two mothers. One of the mothers was black and the other white. Their children were classmates and played sports together at school. The black mother commented on the achievements of the white mother's child, saying "Your son is really coming along."
The white mother responded with pride, "Thank you. He is quite the man. He's in the talented and gifted program here at the school, and as you know, he's playing well in little league. He has really excelled this year! He's just like his father."
The white woman went on for some time singing the praises of her child. When she finished she turned her attention to the black mother's child, remembering how exceptional he was, and said, "Your son is also doing quite well. I hear..."
Before she finished her statement the black mother, who too was clearly proud of her little boy, said, "Oh girl, he's such a mess at home. Sometimes I could just strangle him."
When we roll the scene back a few hundred years we see a slave master walking through the fields coming upon a slave woman. The slave master approaches her and her children and remarks, "Well now, that Mary of yours is really coming along."
The slave mother, terrified that the slave master may see qualities in her daughter that could merit her being raped or sold says, "Naw sir, she ain't worth nothin'. She cain't work. She stupid. She shiftless." The slave mother's denigrating statements about her daughter were spoken in an effort to dissuade the slave master from molesting or selling her, and of course, no one would fault her. Slave mothers and fathers had been belittling their children in an effort to protect them for hundreds of years. Yet what originally began as an appropriate adaptation to an oppressive and danger-filled environment has been subsequently transmitted down through generations.
While on the surface seemingly harmless, such behavior serves to both humiliate and injure the young black children of today,[...]. Sadly, neither the black mother nor her children understand the historical forces that have helped to shape her behavior. Degruy, pg 10-14
On Trauma's Effect
Perhaps the greatest impact [though], were the daily efforts of the slave owners and others in authority to break the slaves' will. Free will is at the core of being human. Can you imagine what it must be like to have your will assaulted on a daily basis? You live in a society that constantly reminds you that you are no different from livestock and in some cases less valuable. You are beaten until you call the cruelest and most vile man you know "Master". Degruy, pg 120
On Visiting South Africa,
"Did you think we would forget you? I am from Lesotho, Lesotho is my home. If I leave Lesotho, Lesotho is still my home. If I leave Lesotho for fifty years, Lesotho is still my home. You are African, 300 years from home. We mourned Martin and Malcolm with you, we are so proud of you, we just wondered when you were coming home." The tears flowed and we sung yet again. Degruy, pg. 186
A powerful book that makes me "pause" before jumping to conclusions. A MUST READ for all regardless of race.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
ON THE VERGE by Peres Owino
Humorous rumblings about sex, politics, religion and all of life's shenanigans.
ORDER YOUR COPY NOW!!!
Barnes & Nobles
Boone Bridge Books:
We look at the wisdom of the ancients with an awe that cripples us, prevents us from seeing the magic we create everyday. As we muse at the natural brilliance of Ancient man we fail to see that their wisdom comes from their quiet observance of nature. Their wisdom has been handed down and lie in our very DNA, the source of modern man's continual brilliance.
If we allow ourselves to be impressed with the modern inventions we've come to take for granted, then maybe we will believe enough to see how we built the pyramid.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Also continue the conversation at "AVAAtheconversation.blogspot.com"
And out Facebook Fan page: "Africans versus African Americans"
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Then comes racism, which really got entrenched in American culture during the age of indentured servitude and slavery. In a calculated attempt to stay any potential revolt from the underclass, the wealthy minority gave limited "power" to the indentured whites by having them monitor and punish the enslaved blacks. A trick that is nothing more than handing a carrot to a donkey before jumping on its back. This tactic of divide and conqueror is as old as mankind. Shoot, these days kids use it on their parents!
Friday, June 3, 2011
So this past month or so, my beloved and I took a trip to Paradise, aka MAUI. I have to say it is truly the most beautiful destination in the US. Did you know that there are NO snakes in Hawaii, just Coqui frogs singing at 80-90 decibels every night? Those who have migrated to Hawaii are petitioning the State to wipe the frogs out because these amphibians are not indigenous to the Island and therefore dangerous to the ecosystem. HAHAHAHA! Look at the pot calling the kettle black.
BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL
Speaking of black, Maui boasts one of the most beautiful features of any coastline, BLACK SAND BEACHES. Hawaii is also known for some RED sand beaches, but you know what they say..."once you go black everything else sucks!" Now, I will admit that unlike regular white or brown sand, the black sand situation is a tad more -- um rough, coarse nah too racist, conjures up images of violence, bad language and nappy hair --- a tad more prickly!
But I couldn't complain coz after every piercing moment on the sand, came a soft landing in this cute little love shack atop the hill, where we spent the nights listening to the geckos chatting amongst themselves and with us. Apparently geckos confirm a true human statement by making whatever sound it is they make. Not sure I believe that but the locals do and that is good enough for me.
HEAVEN AND EARTH COLLIDE
That and the fact that heaven would come down everyday and kiss the earth. It took everything in me not to give in to a life of spiritual wanderings in the jungles of Hawaii with a seldom cleaned booty. Being an African, all this sort of wilderness living spoke to me, it was calling me. And some times it was not easy to fight the urge, especially when I encountered stuff like this.
TRIPPIN' ON THE VINE
Now tell me you didn't wonder whether you could swing off it? Maybe you didn't, but I sure as hell did. The wild and untamed gene in me wanted recognition, satisfaction. It became cocky, turning to the non-Africans with a grand proclamation, "I bet you I can swing off this." They laughed and dismissed me. DISMISSED THE CHANCE TO WITNESS A PURELY WILD EXPERIENCE! This Africana diva was not going to be denied.
So let me be the first to say "Shia, you get my respect dude!" Swinging off these vines is not an easy fete...for real. There was a whole lot of blood, sweat and chaffing with no productive swinging motion to show for it. I cried like a baby. No adult should be allowed to endure such pain. Maybe I was top heavy, maybe this Africana is too westernized, I don't know. What I do know is that I did not have the core strength to pull it off, an admission that demoralized me. I had to redeem myself somehow.
But alas, it was time to return to Los Angeles. And after searching extensively for ways to redeem my lost African pride, all I could come up with was this wicked stunt!
Hey, what do you expect, it's LA!!!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Are these condoms of lollipops?
It is dangerous when you can't tell the difference. This certainly makes a sexual predator's work a whole lot easier. Talk about two birds with one stone. Argh!
THE DANGERS OF SHORT SIGHTED MARKETING
Really, there is no need for lollipop-like condoms unless the expected sexual participants are under the age of 18. And if that is the case, one better call 911 or Child Services. They are NOT cute, if anything, they are very disturbing.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
"Till Death Do Us Part?" I thought the dying came after the marriage not before.
This may be in poor taste but it must be said. With the Male:Female ratio in China being what it is, of course the authorities had to prevent this jilted bride from staining the sidewalk. China is in no position to let any uterus go to waste, especially ones it let survive.
Reality dictates that 10 years from now she may not remember the dude's name coz 10 other guys will have helped ease her pain. But one thing that will follow her forever is this video.
Why do women die to be married?
Sunday, May 15, 2011
No matter the carnage, coz there always seems to be some epic battle going on in these flicks, you can't help but think, "Dang, is that brain matter!? But awww look at how green and vibrant the background is. Why I can just see myself wadding through that serene lake betwix the lush mountains and pristine waterfall."
If your mind is not stuck on laziness, since all these movies are subtitled, please take a minute to view some of Asia's great masterpieces "Raise the Red Lantern", "Curse of the Golden Lotus", "Red Cliff", "Hero", "House of Flying Daggers", "The Legend".
And if you don't mind jetting across the globe, please do give some of these Latin American/Spanish films a try. You will not be disappointed. I will solidify my pretentiousness by listing them in Spanish. Hey, you learned something today. "Nueve Reinas", "En La Cama", "El Secreto de Sus Ojos", "El Laberinto Del Fauno", "El Orfanato", "Biutiful", "Y Tu Mama Tambien", "Diarios de Motocicleta", "Amores Perro", El Crimen del Padre Amaro", "Che" and "El Aura" just to mention a few.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
But feel free to watch it and prove me wrong. I should warn you however that you'll have to sit through 134 minutes of subtitles, bizarre characters and unshaved vaginas. Guys, trust me, there are not worth it.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
There was absolutely no chemistry between the two leads (Michael and Mia). I felt like I was watching pedophilia unfold, UNCOMFORTABLE! Argh! So I waited to see who directed this mess and let me just put it this way, "it's like having your sushi made by a Mexican or anyone who is not Japanese."
BBC, you need to know when you are no longer able to top yourself. I see no reason for another Jane Eyre pic after the grand performances by Wilson and Stephens (Jane Eyre 2006). The tally stands at 22 screen adaptations and counting. HESUS! That's like a new version every other week.
And while I'm at it, please let us not attempt another "Pride and Prejudice" adaptation. Unless of course one plans to severely modernize the story e.g. "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" coming out 2013.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Last year I almost lost my father. Yes, it deserves that much drama!
There is nothing like a near death experience to remind one that our parents are mortal. Once I got over the shock and pain of almost losing my father I got PISSED! I wanted to know what the hell happened! Well, I was later to find out that Dr. "Killjoy" at Aga Khan hospital had operated on my father when his sugar level was 21. And not only that, they were operating on him while he still had food in his system. Everyone knows that you are not allowed to eat 24 hours before surgery, unfortunately, no one mentioned this to my dad and no one asked him whether he had anything to eat before they skippingly wheeled him into the OR.
Of course, the stitches bust and he had to hold his entrails as they poured out of his body. If it wasn't for his spitfire of a wife, my mom, he would not have made it. She had to call the doctor at his HOME and drag his Kevorkian ass out of bed to attend to my dad! And even after all that drama, their phaqery had to be rectified by another hospital!
To add insult to injury, upon my arrival in Kenya I got some news about my former Principal and Mother’s best friend. Apparently her hysterectomy surgery went well. But 3 hours later she was dead! HOW when the surgery went well, you ask? Well, the doctors had accidentally cut her small intestines, not once but twice, resulting in a slow leak into her system killing her in her sleep. Cuts they failed to notice before stitching her up! Where did this happen? Aga Khan Hospital.
The Medical board has refused to step in and hold one of their own responsible. Will the Ministry of Health step in and do something about this hospital’s murderous record?
WE DESERVE BETTER!
Here is how I have come to understand the different political cultures of this world. Let's say, hypothetically, that a Politician is caught in some sort of unethical act (I know, a stretch of the imagination) but let's just say. How do the different cultures handle this?
In America, the culprit first has a very public press conference in which he re-enforces his uber-Evangelical stance on family values by announcing his "decision" to resign from politics so he might spend more time with his family. Then he is indicted and brought before the courts of the land to face his accusers. Once found guilty, because the justice system here works (*cough*) he is sentenced to 3-5 years in a minimum to no-security prison, somewhere close to his home. 90 days into his stretch in the pen he receives a presidential pardon that miraculously coincides with his finding the ever-lost Jesus. With a book deal in hand, he is welcomed back into the bosom of society as a rehabilitated man (unless of-course he is Black and must therefore serve his entire sentence).
In Japan, everything is handled quickly and simply. Once the dishonored man is identified, he resigns swiftly and we match straight to the penalty phase. Within 24 hours the dishonored man will make time to speak words of encouragement to his children, bid farewell to his wife, dress in traditional garb and apologetically fall on his sword (unless of-course he is a wimp then someone will have to give him some lead assistance).
In Kenya, the process may not be as elaborate as the Americans or as swift as the Asians, but it is certainly the boldest. Once the graft-loving politician has been identified, the state skips over inconveniences such as indictments, commissions, tribunals, trials, the Hague, prison terms and rehabilitation straight into forgiveness and reward by promoting the said Politician.
WE (KENYANS) DESERVE BETTER!!