Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Who is sitting on your exit row?

When you get on a plane do you ever wonder who is sitting on the exit row? Folks, this is a very serious point to ponder. I mean, have you ever considered that the exit rowee maybe disabled in a manner likely to suggest them incapable of the task and that they are merely paying for the addition leg room?

Just so you understand where I'm coming from....I wrote this onboard a US Airways flight from Atlanta to Phoenix where the two ladies sitting on the exit row proclaimed upon boarding, "exit row coz we are so responsible right?" and laughed at the cosmic irony. I started to get nervous.

Once nicely buckled in they began a spirited conversation with the guy sitting closest to the door. Their first question was the obvious "so what have you been up to all day?"And this knight in shining armor responds out loud, “oh, I've been drinking all morning." More alcohol induced laughter. This Africana was in full panic mode at this point, throwing my $70 braided head about wondering if anyone else was noticing this insanity. My glance landed on the Steward standing RIGHT BESIDE THE SELF PROFESSED ALCOHOLIC. He smiled and ignored him. After all, the guy had said "yes" when asked if he was able to handle the emergency door if we swan dived into the Mojavi desert.

So basically, according to US Airways it is perfectly okay for a drunk man to be in charge of the exit door and inevitable my escape route in case this hunk of metal takes a nose dive. A drunk who talked over the barely audible Stewardess who sighed several times into the microphone while delivering the life saving address. This was all to much, I needed a destruction.

Wow, the clouds look beautiful from up here. Like cotton candy or soft pillow feathers. I feel like taking a nap. Unfortunately, the alcoholic has decided to engage the entire Coach cabin in his life story. Argh! There is nothing worse than a lippy drunk!

God, let's just land.

And we did....and I got a new bunch of folks in the exit row for my trip to Los Angeles.

Yipee...huh...no wait!? Why is it taking two people to find seat number 22F? Ah, that one lady is translating the boarding pass to the other lady. So one of these folks does not speak or read English? Okay, and she is parking her behind on the Exit row. Well, that is a sure boot off the exit row coz one of the questions that deserves a "YES" is are you able to read and understand English?

Wait a minute! Did that old lady just lie? WOW. So basically, when shit hits the fan we are gonna have to get her a translator to help her understand how to get us off the burning plane.

Really US Airways..

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