Thursday, May 19, 2011
Till Death....
"Till Death Do Us Part?" I thought the dying came after the marriage not before.
This may be in poor taste but it must be said. With the Male:Female ratio in China being what it is, of course the authorities had to prevent this jilted bride from staining the sidewalk. China is in no position to let any uterus go to waste, especially ones it let survive.
Reality dictates that 10 years from now she may not remember the dude's name coz 10 other guys will have helped ease her pain. But one thing that will follow her forever is this video.
Why do women die to be married?
Sunday, May 15, 2011
RED CLIFF
I just finished John Woo's RED CLIFF. Magnificent! Is it only me or are the movies from Asia rich with texture and color?
No matter the carnage, coz there always seems to be some epic battle going on in these flicks, you can't help but think, "Dang, is that brain matter!? But awww look at how green and vibrant the background is. Why I can just see myself wadding through that serene lake betwix the lush mountains and pristine waterfall."
If your mind is not stuck on laziness, since all these movies are subtitled, please take a minute to view some of Asia's great masterpieces "Raise the Red Lantern", "Curse of the Golden Lotus", "Red Cliff", "Hero", "House of Flying Daggers", "The Legend".
And if you don't mind jetting across the globe, please do give some of these Latin American/Spanish films a try. You will not be disappointed. I will solidify my pretentiousness by listing them in Spanish. Hey, you learned something today. "Nueve Reinas", "En La Cama", "El Secreto de Sus Ojos", "El Laberinto Del Fauno", "El Orfanato", "Biutiful", "Y Tu Mama Tambien", "Diarios de Motocicleta", "Amores Perro", El Crimen del Padre Amaro", "Che" and "El Aura" just to mention a few.
No matter the carnage, coz there always seems to be some epic battle going on in these flicks, you can't help but think, "Dang, is that brain matter!? But awww look at how green and vibrant the background is. Why I can just see myself wadding through that serene lake betwix the lush mountains and pristine waterfall."
If your mind is not stuck on laziness, since all these movies are subtitled, please take a minute to view some of Asia's great masterpieces "Raise the Red Lantern", "Curse of the Golden Lotus", "Red Cliff", "Hero", "House of Flying Daggers", "The Legend".
And if you don't mind jetting across the globe, please do give some of these Latin American/Spanish films a try. You will not be disappointed. I will solidify my pretentiousness by listing them in Spanish. Hey, you learned something today. "Nueve Reinas", "En La Cama", "El Secreto de Sus Ojos", "El Laberinto Del Fauno", "El Orfanato", "Biutiful", "Y Tu Mama Tambien", "Diarios de Motocicleta", "Amores Perro", El Crimen del Padre Amaro", "Che" and "El Aura" just to mention a few.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
POLA X Y?
Have you ever watched a movie that left you so confused the only thing you could do after was take a bath? Some movies are nothing more than cinematic masturbation, just a director going at it! That is a great visual description of Pola X. Y? I laugh that you ask.
But feel free to watch it and prove me wrong. I should warn you however that you'll have to sit through 134 minutes of subtitles, bizarre characters and unshaved vaginas. Guys, trust me, there are not worth it.
But feel free to watch it and prove me wrong. I should warn you however that you'll have to sit through 134 minutes of subtitles, bizarre characters and unshaved vaginas. Guys, trust me, there are not worth it.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Jane Error! aka (Jane Eyre 2011 Film review)
Just dragged my sleepy behind from the Arclight Theater in Manhattan Beach where I endured a grueling 120 minutes of Jane Eyre. OK England, I know Bronte is a right of passage for all British actors but seriously.
There was absolutely no chemistry between the two leads (Michael and Mia). I felt like I was watching pedophilia unfold, UNCOMFORTABLE! Argh! So I waited to see who directed this mess and let me just put it this way, "it's like having your sushi made by a Mexican or anyone who is not Japanese."
BBC, you need to know when you are no longer able to top yourself. I see no reason for another Jane Eyre pic after the grand performances by Wilson and Stephens (Jane Eyre 2006). The tally stands at 22 screen adaptations and counting. HESUS! That's like a new version every other week.
And while I'm at it, please let us not attempt another "Pride and Prejudice" adaptation. Unless of course one plans to severely modernize the story e.g. "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" coming out 2013.
Just saying.
There was absolutely no chemistry between the two leads (Michael and Mia). I felt like I was watching pedophilia unfold, UNCOMFORTABLE! Argh! So I waited to see who directed this mess and let me just put it this way, "it's like having your sushi made by a Mexican or anyone who is not Japanese."
BBC, you need to know when you are no longer able to top yourself. I see no reason for another Jane Eyre pic after the grand performances by Wilson and Stephens (Jane Eyre 2006). The tally stands at 22 screen adaptations and counting. HESUS! That's like a new version every other week.
And while I'm at it, please let us not attempt another "Pride and Prejudice" adaptation. Unless of course one plans to severely modernize the story e.g. "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" coming out 2013.
Just saying.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
WE, KENYANS DESERVE BETTER 2
MURDER WITH IMPUNITY!!!
Last year I almost lost my father. Yes, it deserves that much drama!
There is nothing like a near death experience to remind one that our parents are mortal. Once I got over the shock and pain of almost losing my father I got PISSED! I wanted to know what the hell happened! Well, I was later to find out that Dr. "Killjoy" at Aga Khan hospital had operated on my father when his sugar level was 21. And not only that, they were operating on him while he still had food in his system. Everyone knows that you are not allowed to eat 24 hours before surgery, unfortunately, no one mentioned this to my dad and no one asked him whether he had anything to eat before they skippingly wheeled him into the OR.
Of course, the stitches bust and he had to hold his entrails as they poured out of his body. If it wasn't for his spitfire of a wife, my mom, he would not have made it. She had to call the doctor at his HOME and drag his Kevorkian ass out of bed to attend to my dad! And even after all that drama, their phaqery had to be rectified by another hospital!
To add insult to injury, upon my arrival in Kenya I got some news about my former Principal and Mother’s best friend. Apparently her hysterectomy surgery went well. But 3 hours later she was dead! HOW when the surgery went well, you ask? Well, the doctors had accidentally cut her small intestines, not once but twice, resulting in a slow leak into her system killing her in her sleep. Cuts they failed to notice before stitching her up! Where did this happen? Aga Khan Hospital.
The Medical board has refused to step in and hold one of their own responsible. Will the Ministry of Health step in and do something about this hospital’s murderous record?
WE DESERVE BETTER!
Last year I almost lost my father. Yes, it deserves that much drama!
There is nothing like a near death experience to remind one that our parents are mortal. Once I got over the shock and pain of almost losing my father I got PISSED! I wanted to know what the hell happened! Well, I was later to find out that Dr. "Killjoy" at Aga Khan hospital had operated on my father when his sugar level was 21. And not only that, they were operating on him while he still had food in his system. Everyone knows that you are not allowed to eat 24 hours before surgery, unfortunately, no one mentioned this to my dad and no one asked him whether he had anything to eat before they skippingly wheeled him into the OR.
Of course, the stitches bust and he had to hold his entrails as they poured out of his body. If it wasn't for his spitfire of a wife, my mom, he would not have made it. She had to call the doctor at his HOME and drag his Kevorkian ass out of bed to attend to my dad! And even after all that drama, their phaqery had to be rectified by another hospital!
To add insult to injury, upon my arrival in Kenya I got some news about my former Principal and Mother’s best friend. Apparently her hysterectomy surgery went well. But 3 hours later she was dead! HOW when the surgery went well, you ask? Well, the doctors had accidentally cut her small intestines, not once but twice, resulting in a slow leak into her system killing her in her sleep. Cuts they failed to notice before stitching her up! Where did this happen? Aga Khan Hospital.
The Medical board has refused to step in and hold one of their own responsible. Will the Ministry of Health step in and do something about this hospital’s murderous record?
WE DESERVE BETTER!
WE, KENYANS DESERVE BETTER 1
POLITICAL CULTURE SHOCK!!!!
Here is how I have come to understand the different political cultures of this world. Let's say, hypothetically, that a Politician is caught in some sort of unethical act (I know, a stretch of the imagination) but let's just say. How do the different cultures handle this?
In America, the culprit first has a very public press conference in which he re-enforces his uber-Evangelical stance on family values by announcing his "decision" to resign from politics so he might spend more time with his family. Then he is indicted and brought before the courts of the land to face his accusers. Once found guilty, because the justice system here works (*cough*) he is sentenced to 3-5 years in a minimum to no-security prison, somewhere close to his home. 90 days into his stretch in the pen he receives a presidential pardon that miraculously coincides with his finding the ever-lost Jesus. With a book deal in hand, he is welcomed back into the bosom of society as a rehabilitated man (unless of-course he is Black and must therefore serve his entire sentence).
In Japan, everything is handled quickly and simply. Once the dishonored man is identified, he resigns swiftly and we match straight to the penalty phase. Within 24 hours the dishonored man will make time to speak words of encouragement to his children, bid farewell to his wife, dress in traditional garb and apologetically fall on his sword (unless of-course he is a wimp then someone will have to give him some lead assistance).
In Kenya, the process may not be as elaborate as the Americans or as swift as the Asians, but it is certainly the boldest. Once the graft-loving politician has been identified, the state skips over inconveniences such as indictments, commissions, tribunals, trials, the Hague, prison terms and rehabilitation straight into forgiveness and reward by promoting the said Politician.
Seriously!
WE (KENYANS) DESERVE BETTER!!
Here is how I have come to understand the different political cultures of this world. Let's say, hypothetically, that a Politician is caught in some sort of unethical act (I know, a stretch of the imagination) but let's just say. How do the different cultures handle this?
In America, the culprit first has a very public press conference in which he re-enforces his uber-Evangelical stance on family values by announcing his "decision" to resign from politics so he might spend more time with his family. Then he is indicted and brought before the courts of the land to face his accusers. Once found guilty, because the justice system here works (*cough*) he is sentenced to 3-5 years in a minimum to no-security prison, somewhere close to his home. 90 days into his stretch in the pen he receives a presidential pardon that miraculously coincides with his finding the ever-lost Jesus. With a book deal in hand, he is welcomed back into the bosom of society as a rehabilitated man (unless of-course he is Black and must therefore serve his entire sentence).
In Japan, everything is handled quickly and simply. Once the dishonored man is identified, he resigns swiftly and we match straight to the penalty phase. Within 24 hours the dishonored man will make time to speak words of encouragement to his children, bid farewell to his wife, dress in traditional garb and apologetically fall on his sword (unless of-course he is a wimp then someone will have to give him some lead assistance).
In Kenya, the process may not be as elaborate as the Americans or as swift as the Asians, but it is certainly the boldest. Once the graft-loving politician has been identified, the state skips over inconveniences such as indictments, commissions, tribunals, trials, the Hague, prison terms and rehabilitation straight into forgiveness and reward by promoting the said Politician.
Seriously!
WE (KENYANS) DESERVE BETTER!!
Where In The World Is Egypt, Foxnews?
Someone please tell me this did not happen. Please. Coz nothing I say can add to this ignorance.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Going Home - The Day Before
The question becomes...will Kenya have changed too much for me to feel at home or will I have changed too much to belong? We'll see. My the way, my folks don't know that I am going home so shhhh!!!
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