Tuesday, July 20, 2010

No More Fuckeries!!!!!!

This is the inter-galactic response to the current humanoid insanity!!!

Earth and its inhabitants have been the topic of discussion at the Annual Inter Galactic Alliance Assembly meetings for the past two thousand years. There has been a general concern among the members of the Alliance that the human race is unleashing a tremendous amount of fuckery upon the Earth.

It is the opinion of all members of the Alliance, excluding Earthlings whose IQ levels are below Assembly standards, that these lower beings are not consuming bovines fast enough due to their preoccupation with fossil fuels and not the true culprit in their midst. The Neptians and Uranians are particularly peeved by the amount of methane gas being unleashed by the Earth dwelling bovines as the gaseous matter fogs up their planets every 150 days when Jupiter and Saturn step out of the way putting them in Earth's general direction.

After extensive debate the IGA passed the Fuckery Eradication Act by a 2 vote margin. This Act required the Martians, the only members with kick ass gadgets capable of annihilate the entire galaxy, and the Plutocrats, believers in diplomacy, to land on planet Earth and swiftly eradicate its gaseous problem. If the Plutocrats' diplomatic tactics proved insufficient the Martians were authorized to take over and wipe out the human race with their biological chemicals.

But the Jupitean Conglomerate threw their cloak into the debate. Fornicators and purveys of all things perverse, the Jupitean emissary stated "the time for diplomacy has long passed; there is no need for the Plutocrats in this battle. Reason must make way for much torture and physical dismemberment. That is good learning for underlings."  He received a great deal of hoorahs from his own kind. The Mercurians, known far-seers, looked into the future and saw the true intent of the Jupiteans and it was decided that their debauchery must not be exported beyond the borders of Pasiphae and Sinope, Jupiter's outermost moons.

After a six hundred year stalemate, a coin toss decided who would accompany the Martians, whose place on the ship no one dared debate. The Saturnians, spiritually superior snobs, wanted no part of this "kick the Earthlings ass campaign"! So, it came as no surprise that they won the coin toss.  

A few days later the IGA's convoy pointed their meteor like space craft towards their preferred landing pad on Earth, their pyramids at Manchu Pinchu, Peru. The whole operation hit a snug when, due to the Martians miscalculation of the earth's shift since their last visit, the convoy found itself descending upon a primitive tribe in the corn fields of Iowa, unleashing their entire cargo of biological chemicals. Needless to say, the disgruntled Saturnians were thoroughly unamused. Apparently the Martians had refused to ask for directions.

Current footage from Earth shows much vomiting and diarrhea. All things considered, the plan was half successful.


1 comment:

  1. Why am I the first person to post a reaction (mine was "funny") to this wonderful taste of talent? The title itself has me in stitches! Listen...this woman is talented, folks. And she's hot (so is her sister...ahem!).

    I want more positive comments and more reactions (no double voting). Let's go people.