Palin, Lindsay and Castro, the consequence of inbreeding

All the world's stupidity can be blamed on IN BREEDING!

If the Judeo-Islamic-Christian mythology of creation is true, that we all sprang from the loins of point-the-finger Adam and I-wear-the-pants Eve, then people, we have/are severely inbreeding at this point. The current human DNA strain is very dilute, explaining the cause of all our global woes, from our assault on baby seals to global warming. Think about it. I mean, we’ve tried to save humanity by mixing up the races but some folks cannot be reasoned with.

Why else would the world be dealing with a squealing soccer mom who waves at Putin from her bedroom window in Alaska while successfully challenging the US Presidency?

Or a Pastor in the abyss of middle age, threatening to burn the Islamic Holy book.

What of Fidel Castro, once a champion of liberty, tossing Cuba into Dynastic rule?

And Mormons who are quicker to accept the canoodling of young, hyperventilating females to soul-less vampires or steroid popping werewolves (i.e The Twilight Series) than allow gay marriages?

And finally, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian aka the sex tape diva trio? - Never in the history of porn have performers gained so much with so little talent. Ms. Jameson gained her notoriety for actually being good at sex.

IN BREEDING. IN BREEDING!!

There ain’t enough people worth two cents to rub together to make a dollar.

Can we all send a plea to the White House to continuing funding the space program? Our very survival depends on it, coz it’s time to import some lizard people or green men from Mars to mate with the human population (or just the Mormons).

People, we need to do something to upgrade the species.

The "Caucasian" creation myth.

It just occurred to me that the creation story Caucasians spread around the world as their own, is actually the Hebrew creation myth. Adam and Eve were Hebrews. And for those anti-semites out there, sorry but Jesus is a Jew. Yes, I am talking to you Mel Gibson.

Just like I know the Luo, Kikuyu, Hebrew, Islamic etc creation myths I wonder, is there a Nordic or Aryan or Anglo creation myth? Do they have one? Anyone know?

The Catholic Church poisoning students?

How far would the Catholic church go to curb homosexuality?

The answer to this is another question.

What do Nuns, African girls and kerosene have in common?

I was recently informed that boarding schools in Kenya, most of which are run by the Catholic Church, had the habit of lacing students' food with kerosene hoping this would suppress their sexual urges. It was their way of curbing homosexual behavior in boarding schools.

I was at a Catholic girls boarding school from the ninth to the twelfth grade. If this allegation is true, then thousands of Kenyans, like myself, were subjected to at least four years of kerosene induced sexual repression without our consent.

I smell a lawsuit capable of breaking the very back of the Vatican and its strong hold in Africa. Something to think very strongly about.

Can anyone confirm this?

Alcohol Induced Fornication Anyone? No?

Skyy Infusion - $2.99 at Bevmo Online
Cherries - $0.59 a pound
2 drunk Babes - $0.00
Being subtle about it all - Priceless

I know that fluids laced with alcohol are notorious for instigating the unchecked flow of natural lubricants that inevitable lead one to desiring both the usual and the exotic of the opposite sex, but to have this general progression plastered on a giant billboard in the US is very ballsy for this sexually repressed culture.

I mean, wow! Alcohol induced fornication anyone? No?

EMPTY

There is an empty place within us where fear and failure collide and the light of love cannot penetrate. Tonight I looked into that place and its emptiness glared back into me. And in the dark of night, while the whole world slept, I cried.

Pre-Coital Agreement

And finally...at 3:43AM. We present a document that might help prevent all those unwanted pregnancies, baby mama dramas and the trapping of relatively sane people in loveless marriages for the sake of the baby.

DETOUR: The next person who calls a pregnancy "accidental" will get an ear full from me.

Penis + Vagina = Semen dispersement (Ejaculation) x Ovum ambush (Fertilization) = Fetus

A thing doing what it is designed to do is no accident, merely brilliant engineering!

PRE-COITAL AGREEMENT

WHEREAS, __________________________ (hereinafter referred to as Depositor”) and ______________________ (hereinafter referred to as “Receiver”) are currently pre-coital but wish to provide, prior to coitus, for a formal agreement ensuring that their separate lives will remain free from any claims arising out of the prospective coital relationship.

WHEREAS the Parties desire to contract with each other concerning matters of reproductive management during the term of their coital relationship and is intend to be a binding and enforceable pre-coital agreement and they understand and intend that the provisions of this Agreement shall prevail over the provisions of law or any jurisdiction that would apply in the absence of this Agreement.

1. CONDOM USE
A discussion regarding the use of protective gear must precede any disrobing.
I, ”Depositor” DO/DO NOT hereby consent to wear a silicone, lamb or plastic material over my member during coitus to provide an alternate receiver of my manly juices for the sole purpose of preventing the unwanted fertilization of “Receiver” ovum.

I, ”Receptor” do hereby consent to engaging in a coital relationship WITH/WITHOUT “Depositor” wearing a silicone, lamb or plastic material over Depositor’s member during coitus to provide an alternate receiver of his manly juices for the sole purpose of preventing the unwanted fertilization of my ovum with the understanding that “Depositor” is released from any and all parental involvement and responsibility (e.g. financial, emotional, spiritual, physical etc) in the life of my offspring in the event that my ovum is unwantedly fertilized.

2. MORNING AFTER PILL
Two Morning After Pills plus Instructions must be presented to Receiver pre-coital.

I, ”Depositor” DO hereby present “Receiver” with TWO MORNING AFTER PILLS (PLUS INSTRUCTIONS) to be consumed no more than 72 hours after completion of coital relationship for the sole purpose of preventing the unwanted fertilization of Receiver ovum.

I, ”Receiver” DO hereby confirm receipt of TWO MORNING AFTER PILLS (PLUS INSTRUCTIONS) which I choose to CONSUME/NOT CONSUME no more than 72 hours after the coital relationship for the sole purpose of preventing the unwanted fertilization of my ovum with the understanding that “Depositor” is released from any and all parental involvement and responsibility (e.g. financial, emotional, spiritual, physical etc) in the life of my offspring in the event that my ovum is unwantedly fertilized.

3. LOOP HOLE
In the event that “Receiver” does not reach orgasm, this Agreement is to be considered null and void and “Receiver” is free to go after “Depositor” for everything, you selfish son of a bitch!

4. NO INVOLVEMENT FOREVER
I, “Depositor” do hereby consent to relinquish all parental involvement and responsibility (e.g. financial, emotional, spiritual, physical etc) in the life of the offspring in the event that “Receiver’s” ovum is unwantedly fertilized, for the duration of my entire natural live plus fifty years.

5. AGREEMENT EXECUTED AS OWN FREE WILL
The parties agree that each enters into this Agreement without any reservations or promises, though there may be some pressure or inducements, they have done so as their own free and voluntary act and deed.

6. GUILT TRIPS & IDLE THREATS
If any disputes arise relative to the pre-coital agreement and the parties cannot resolve it, both parties agree that they will not result to guilt trips and idle threats.

7. AMENDMENT
This Agreement is binding and cannot be alterable by any custodians of the state, judicial or government entities without a mutual written Agreement signed by both Parties.

8. EXECUTION IN COUNTERPARTS
This Agreement may be executed in counterparts each of which when so executed and delivered shall be deemed to be an original and all of which together shall constitute but one and the same instrument.

9. BINDING ON SUCCESSORS
Each and every provision hereof shall inure to the benefit of and shall be binding upon the heirs, assigns, personal representatives, and all successors in the interest of the parties.

PARTIES SIGNATURES


____________________________________
Depositor Date


_____________________________________
Receiver Date

*This Agreement is void if signed Post-Coital.
** Please make two copies.


4:02AM - I THINK I HAVE EARNED SOME SLEEP NOW

Lets Talk About Sex

Why? Because Hannah Montana has discovered that she can do a lot more with those hips than jump on stage. She can shove them into a leotard and crotch-smothering tight jeans.

WHAT!?

Parents the world over are having their pubescent daughters tare down their Hannah Montana posters to protest her recent MTV award fashion debacle. And that is all I want to say about that. Let’s get on to the sex part.

We all remember our teenage years when pimples and burning loins were commonplace. As if that wasn’t hard enough (no pun intended) the Hollywood, Bollywood and all the rest of the woods were over sexing everything. Everything had a sex angle. The type of beer you bought determined how many chicks you’d bang that night. You name it they attached a crotch to it. Hence the term “sex sells”.

Throw yourself into an 80s or 90s movie flashback. It was all about the human “Basic Instinct.” Sex came with a cheesy theme song, steamy windows, a foggy ambiance, delicious sweat trembling down toned, tanned caramel skin and fireworks that augmented the deep moans of rapture. Everyone having sex seemed to be having fun, as was implied by the post-coital glow, regardless of how “Fatal the Attraction”. They made it look like touching heaven. After one of those movies, you couldn’t wait to go out and get some. Sex was/is everywhere, even on Bugs Bunny. BUT, you were not allowed to mention it, let alone engage in it. Only loose girls and fast boys were allowed to touch heaven.

Can humanity be anymore sexually repressed than it already is? This morality stick has become ridiculous. Think about it. Africans, who spent the better part of the 20th century with tits and genitalia in the wind, are all covered up in batik or Kente cloth in a false sense of modesty. This s*$% ain’t right. And what the adults are doing to the teenagers should be punishable by death!

Adults, who really do run these “entertainment” industries, ram this stuff down the throats of hot-blooded teenagers then vilify them for shaving their heads and popping out babies with unknown backup dancers (hey. Britney?) They are confused. Wouldn’t you be? Feeling all these new feelings, being shown what to do with them, but being threatened with hell fire make the connection. Seriously, one is liable to turn to drugs when 1+1 is no longer 2.

Steal Plantations

You wake up every morning, wash yourself (hopefully), brush your teeth (probably), put some clothes on (definitely) and head out to a steel plantation where you slave for eight hours - minus the two fifteen minute and the one half hour lunch breaks you are legally allowed - to earn a small piece of paper with some numbers on it.
Upon receipt of this small piece of paper, you hop, skip and jump over to another steel plantation where you hand it over to a stranger, who is equally enslaved, who takes it and puts it someplace save with your number to identify it. You walk out believing it will be there when you need it.

You rush over to another steel plantation where you use a plastic card with more numbers on it to purchase food filled with high fructose corn syrup. This plastic card allows these plantations to take numbers from the small piece of paper that you were handed at your plantation, that you gave a stranger at another plantation to hold for you until you needed it. These numbers taken from your small piece of paper end up in other small pieces of paper handed to those people working in the plantations that grow the corn that makes the high fructose corn syrup.

This government approved high fructose corn syrup proceeds to burn a hole in your stomach causing extreme pain, forcing you to run off to another steel plantation where a doctor resides. The doctor asks if you have a separate plastic card with numbers that guarantee he’ll get a small piece of paper with numbers that he too can hand a stranger in another steel plantation to hold for him until he needs it. But you don’t have this card with the numbers that guarantee his small paper because the small piece of paper you were handed at your plantation does not have enough numbers to afford the separate card that has now become law.

So you return to your steel plantation and park yourself in front of a box, you bought with 50% of the numbers on your small piece of paper, to numb your sense while you wait for death to ease your pain.

And you had to go to college just to earn the right to this fallacy!